If I could pick one small thing to change in my life right now I would have to pick overcoming my constant difficulty to regulate my body temperature. I had mentioned in the previous entry that I’ve recently had a few days of down times. I think one of the main reasons I began to fill down was the change in weather which went from sunny and warm, to slightly warm, cloudy and windy. For a few days I was waking up cold, and staying cold throughout the day. Some people might say, “so what, your cold, put on a jacket”. But being cold nowadays is not comparable to the normal feeling of being cold that I used to experience. When I get cold now, there’s no real way to overcome the feeling. I could pile on layer after layer but it does no good. I have found one way which seems to warm me up, sunshine. Simply going outside and getting a good dose of sunshine suddenly boosts my energy and seems to leave me with a relatively long-lasting feeling of warmth.
Being warm versus cold may not seem like a big deal but these two physical states have serious effects on my emotional state. When I’m warm I’m more likely to be energized, happy and motivated. When I’m cold, I am much more likely to be low on energy, depressed and unmotivated. Before my injury I loved the change of the seasons. Summer offered a plethora of activities, swimming, hiking and vacations. Fall was my favorite season of the year with the wonderful explosion of colors all over the mountainsides and the feeling of fresh, crisp air entering your lungs. Winter did not depress me at all as I began to fantasize about the rush of speed I felt as I flew down the ski slopes. Spring of course is impossible to not love. The eruption of life all around you and a chance for new beginnings. Now I find myself looking towards the near future with a very grim outlook. I’m imagining long days with an internal cold which cannot be suppressed or reversed. I’m imagining scarce motivation and low energy which leads to depression.
I’m asking the people out there to focus prayers on this specifically for right now. I believe this aspect of my life affected by my injury is most harmful to my overall well-being. I’m hoping I’ll stay warmer than last winter but if I do find as the season approaches that the temperature situation has not improved, I of course will press on to not let technicalities hinder my quest for creation.