So I’ve been keeping a secret for the past few days. I have wanted to write about it but I was not sure if it was appropriate to do so. I have now been given the go-ahead to share my experiences and I am ready to let the cat out of the bag.
Tuesday morning I was of course in front of my computer checking my various e-mails and message boards and came across an e-mail entitled Dreamhealer. The appropriate chemical reactions fired within my brain and my heart began to beat a little faster as all of my bodies blood flowed directly to my face. “Is it possible?” I thought. “Did I actually get a reply to my e-mail?”
I opened the e-mail and discovered that a correspondent of Adam had tried to get in touch with me a week earlier to set up a distant healing session with him. Somehow the e-mail did not get through. I wrote him back stating that I would of course be ready at any time to work with Adam.
I went outside and felt very much at peace within myself. Over the past week I felt like I had released a lot of anger which had settled inside of me in a very nonconfrontational and flowing manner. I have struggled so much with acceptance in these recent months. I have fought a constant battle on what I should accept, how much of it I should accept, and wondering if what I am accepting is restraining or harnessing my ability to create in life. It has been obvious to me whatever I was doing was not having the impact I would like it to have because anger and frustration were constantly festering within me. Yes, I have the right to be frustrated and angry. I’m paralyzed, who wouldn’t be frustrated. But living angry is no way to live.
During a session with my shrink I probed my mind for the reasons why I felt frustrated during the times the emotion flared up the most. I imagined the times when I’m in the bathroom being cathed by my mother. My once private areas are open for viewing as my mom lubes up a plastic tube and slides it down my ureter, an act that should have me writhing in pain but instead is only a slight sting. My blood boils and my teeth clench at every moment of the process. I close my eyes and pretend it’s not happening. The moment, the visual image of what is happening does not seem real to me. It’s still as if at any moment reality will set in, not the reality of paralysis but the reality that paralysis never happened.
The main thought which leads to anger during the moment in the bathroom is “I can’t believe this is happening.” The fact that I cannot accept what is going on leads to anger because all I try and do is shut it out and banish it from my senses. This is impossible however because the fact remains that the moment is happening and the moment when I broke my neck did happen as well as the past year. It’s not a dream, it’s not a fantasy, it is my life.
Lately I’ve been telling myself something which is not easy but through peace will not be found unless I realize this fact. I’m paralyzed. I don’t say this to make myself feel worse or to set a future for myself, but to remind me that yes, on July 10, 2004 I broke my neck. There’s no going back in time and there’s no changing what happened to me. The only thing I can do, is go on from here without bitterness, regret, or blame for my unfortunate accident. When I continually deny my past and shut out the present, I only cause myself further unnecessary turmoil, but through accepting my past and opening my senses to the moment peace is found.
As I sat outside after receiving the e-mail that Adam may be helping me, I finally found a piece of faith within me. I discovered that faith is not something you describe or define, it is an instinctual feeling, a resolve that the future is not to be worried over or stressed. To have faith is to know that, in the words of Bob Marley, everything’s gonna be alright. By having faith, by seizing opportunities, by connecting to spirit, and by letting God know your desires, the fragments and pieces of life will always come together.
At that moment I felt my life being molded and shaped by an infinite power. Opportunities seemed to be suddenly opening up in my world and begging me to grab on with both hands. All I had to do was reach out and grab hold of the reigns.
I closed my eyes and began to meditate. I meditated nearly all morning preparing myself for a nonlocal contact with a 19-year-old teenager who has a gift which contains the possibilities to change my life. Around 1:40 I went inside to eat some lunch. I had a psychology appointment at three, then Bob, my dad and I were going to the gym. I checked my computer once again for human contact and found another e-mail from the dreamhealer web site. At 11 a.m. Vancouver time, that very same day, Adam was going to connect with my energy and take a look around. I yelled to my dad to see what time that was here. Two o’clock he hollered back.
In 15 minutes Adam and I were going to connect on the level of quantum energy. Nerves began to bubble and I quickly replied back that I would be prepared. I was told only to find an area with no distractions and to sit back and relax for 20 minutes. I ate a very quick lunch, got the dog in his crate, turned off all the phones, and went in my room and shut the door.
I began to pay attention to all sensations I was feeling. At first I felt nothing abnormal. Weird sensations are constantly present throughout my body, especially in my hands and legs. This time however, slowly the sensations seem to reach a different level. My legs seemed to slightly vibrate and the sensation then moved to the buttocks region. An intense warming sensation began to spread through my entire body almost to the point in which I was feeling hot but still comfortable. Slight twitches occurred in various muscles, mostly upper body, but no more than the usual occurrences when I meditate. The vibrations and tingling sensations continued and I slowly entered a deep state of meditation unlike any I have had before. I became extremely relaxed but still completely conscious and at times I felt as if my body was expanding, as if the energy inside of me was inflating me like a balloon. Without speaking I talked to myself, mostly trying to open my subconscious to the healing efforts. I wanted to be an open book for Adam, not letting any negative thoughts or pessimism stand in the way. Strange, indescribable sensations would occur in certain locations from time to time in my legs.
Overall, the experience was not a miraculous event that had me jumping out of my chair and crying out “hallelujah!” But I can definitely say that the time Adam and I spent together in the quantum world was unlike any experience I’ve ever had. I felt a deep sense of peace and overwhelming calm. I felt an extreme overall sense of awareness over my body and I mentally knew that something larger was going on inside of me, larger than anything I’ve experienced. My dad came and interrupted by meditation 40 minutes after we began. I struggled to open my eyes and I could have sworn it had only been about 10 minutes. My dad asked me to describe what happened but it took me a little while to collect myself and analyze my feelings.
I have no idea what went on on Adam’s end of the spectrum or what he was able to see in his connection with me. All I know is that Adam said it didn’t look like my spinal cord was severed, which I already knew. I don’t think he focused too much on healing during the session, but I could be wrong. Apparently, when Adam has the time he is going to do another session with me which will probably take place sometime next week.
Amidst all the changes that are occurring in my life recently, this thing with Adam seemed to come out of nowhere. It is by far the one thing I would like to focus on most in my life right now but it is not entirely possible with the arrival of the CAP program and Bob. The past day or so I found myself slowly getting a bit stressed at the overwhelming occurrences in my life. I’ve been tending to imagine future events going wrong or missing out on opportunities because I wasn’t in the right place at the right time. I realized today that by imagining that these problems may occur show’s a lack of faith on my part and actually may urge these problems to occur. Instead of worrying or stressing over problems which have yet to exist, the best thing I can do is simply stay connected with my spirit, be aware of the signs, and have faith that the pieces of the puzzle will fall together.
No guarantees have been given to me on what Adam can accomplish in my situation. I am also given no guarantees on how long Adam will be able to focus on my case. I’m trying not to let my expectations get too high or my hopes to great in protection of being let down. I am not completely doing away with hope however, it is my hope that Adam will be able to jumpstart my own healing potential and once done will be able to let me go on to continue the healing process. There is no way to tell what the exact physical outcomes of this experience will be but I’m going to make sure that the full potential is reached. No matter what the outcome, I feel blessed to have been given an opportunity that many do not get to receive.
I know many of you out there are probably skeptical of Adam but please do not judge or think negatively about the situation. The best thing you can do for me is to believe that Adam has genuine intentions and has been given a gift from God which contains the powers to help me and others. By directing these positive thoughts towards Adam and I’s collaboration you’re ultimately playing a role in determining my fate. Thank you.