The Roach Stole My Pride

Around 5:30 p.m. my mom left for her haircut appointment and my dad left for dance class, yes my dad dances.  I would finally get one of my rare moments of solitude.  I entered the warmth of my room to decide how I will spend my alone time.  Suddenly a dark shape scurried passed my wheelchair and under my desk.  I let out a couple curse words as I realized a roach had taken residence in my room.  It scampered into a dark shadowed corner of my desk and I quickly reversed backwards giving the roach about an 8 to 10 foot buffer.  For a couple minutes I just stared at the hiding place of the intruder wondering what I was going to do.  My very first thought was to call my mom to see if she could come home and assume her designated position as the professional bug killer, but I knew she was already running late so I decided against it.  I stared a little while longer and made the decision to just ignore the bug and spend my time elsewhere.  I did not brainstorm the thought long before I began to imagine lying in bed at night as my enemy crawled up my bed sheets and onto my face sending me shrieking and howling into the night.  I crept over to my desk, ever watchful of a possible sneak attack, grabbed my lap desk with phone attached and sped back again.  I scrolled through my contact list, found “mom” and pressed send.

I explained to her the situation and she let out her normal exasperated sigh when she is frustrated and told me she would call back.  I resumed my steady watchfulness when as if the bug knew something was up, crawled out from beneath the desk and began to head towards me.  It was only a bluff however and it quickly dodged left finding a safe pathway against the wall.  From there it found the safe shadows under my bed.  I backed up again, my new lookout point being the bedroom doorway.  10 seconds had not passed when the roach shot out from beneath the bed and sprinted towards me like a bug who had nothing to lose.  Now common sense would tell me to charge towards my enemy and squash him mightily with my wheels, but instead I screamed like a little girl and fled.

The roach stopped in the middle of the doorway and set camp underneath the door hinge.  The battle of the bedroom had been won and courage was my only hope to overtake the stronghold.  Well I had no courage, so I sat and waited for my enemy to advance and then it was go time. 

My mom called back and told me she was going to call the neighbor.  How embarrassing.  A 22-year-old young man must get the neighbor to come over and squash a bug.  I hung up the phone reluctantly and awaited the arrival of my savior.  Once again the roach sensed trouble and advanced into the living room.  Here was my chance to reclaim my pride and win this war of species, but before I could react the roach slipped into the bottom of a potted plant and remained.

A couple minutes later my neighbor Joyce arrived and admitted her own fear of roaches.  She shook around the pot for a little while and no roach appeared.  We thought the battle was a stalemate until the roach made a dastardly mistake.  It appeared from beneath the pot and retreated along the wall once again but there was no bed to hide under.  Magazines flew, feet stomped, and exoskeletons crunched.  My mind is now at ease.

I wish I could say the same for the rest of the day.  I had a horrible case of the Monday’s today.  I hardly slept at all last night because I was hot and I can never sleep when I’m hot.  When I’m awake I want to be hot and when I’m asleep I want to be cold.  Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t.  Early this morning I laid in bed for about three hours until I finally called it quits on the whole act of sleeping.  It would be nice if I could get up and read a book or something when I can’t sleep but instead I must just lay there and pretend.

The weather was cold, cloudy and rainy and all I wanted to do was nothing.  Sit around, read a book, watch a movie, you know normal rainy day type stuff.  Instead, Bob was coming over at 12:30 and I had pool therapy at two.  I used to love being in the water so much and would go to the indoor pool and swim laps several times a week.  Now that I’m a quadriplegic, I despise the water simply because it makes me cold.  Usually more than anything all I want to do is not be cold, so anything that may involve me becoming cold is not smiled upon.  But swimming is probably the best possible therapy I can do, so I suck it up and do what I have to do.

Like most people, I always dread Monday’s.  Sometimes I can literally ruin my weekend because all I can think about is the start of a new week.  I mean, I don’t have a job and I’m not in school so what is so bad about the week.  This past weekend I tried hard to simply live in the moment and not worry about the future, but I could always sense this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, a notion of dread. 

Of course now that the day is over, I look back on it and it really wasn’t that bad, it never is.  But sure enough, next weekend will come around and once again the thought of another Monday will nag away as if there’s really something wrong with the first day of the workweek.

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11 Responses to The Roach Stole My Pride

  1. Patricia says:

    Yucky Roaches!!! At least ya don\’t have roach guts on your wheels. blach. yes, the monday blues are tough sometimes – since I have to work on weekends sometimes -a lot of times actually – my monday blues, well, half the time I forget it is monday! I was thinking about you last night because my house was FREEZING! and I had read your post. It must be hard to feel cold – I started thinking of ways for myself to stay warm – I thought of how when you are asleep you get hot -maybe it is the deep breathing of sleep in some ways? Don\’t know – but I did find I could warm myself up by deeper breaths, then I thought about how you get hot and I remember my grandma used to tell me at night to be real still and imagine a breeze across my face -there was no breeze but she had me convinced and it worked -"do you feel the breeze? that little breeze?" she would ask and then I would fall asleep. Hope you are well today! Best to you always! patti

  2. Lorie says:

    Hey, I\’m 28 and I still can\’t kill a roach either! Be lucky you didn\’t get this: I got into bed one night, felt something touch my foot, lifted up the covers, and lo and behold, it was a cockroack egg sack! OH MY GOD! I Lost it. I couldn\’t sleep in my own bed for almost a week after that! I\’ve since fogged the house and set out cockroach poison!Have a great day, and Happy Thanksgiving to you!~Lorie

  3. mtcutie says:

    Hey Colin,Ok… a little part of me had to chuckle at the roach story. It sounds exactly like me. I will scream at the sight of any bug butterflies and lady bugs included. I just DO NOT like bugs.On top if it all, my lab is in a beautiful OLD HISTORIC building that was built in 1875. Sounds beautiful right? It is… look herehttp://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a197/mtcutie/connaughtCorrected.jpgHere\’s the problem with it… BUGS!! Oh soo many bugs!! I love working in such a beautiful building BUT having to work in those conditions where I have to constantly worry about what\’s scurrying across my feet gives me the heebie-geebies on a daily basis. This building is huge and pretty empty… so when I scream it echoes… All the buildings residents are already familiar with my bug screech… trust me when I tell you… You are not alone! Bugs are just nasty!take care,mt

  4. Tricia says:

    Oh my, you sound like my boyfriend – You are both bigger than the roach – I bet your mom getting your neighbor to kill it for you gave that roach its one last laugh. Now it is dead telling all the other dead roaches about you – haha, at least he has more of a story that the Raid roaches. It seems so easy to want to tell someone in your position not to worry about the future – what will come will come. But your life is different – no one is alike. I debated on whether or not to quote this to you, ultimately decided to because you seem quite capable of abstract thought. "When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden"…Viktor Frankl It is all in how you operationalize suffering…have a good day, talk to ya later…tricia

  5. Shannon says:

    Know this feeling all too well, we had a mouse in our apartment about a month ago and I still think I see it scamper across doorways. The thought of it was way more scary than the actual mouse. I just didn\’t want it sitting on the couch next to me or hopping in bed with me or anything. Glad it was resolved in your favor though!

  6. Katherine says:

    I love how you write. Your bald descriptions of your thoughts and feelings ("screaming like a girl") seem to be such geniune glimpses into you.

  7. Patricia says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to you! Best always -patti

  8. Anita says:

    ‘Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His Love endures forever.’ Psalm136:1Happy Thanksgiving to you and those that you love… may all of your days be filled with big and small blessings, and may you always know that everything you need is already here… you just have to always remember it! With Gratitude (Gratitude = Letting others know you see how they ‘ve helped you.)-The Polish Pilgrim… Anita

  9. Shannon says:

    Hey Colin,I feel your pain with the bugs…especially roaches! Living here in the desert, they are hard to avoid. Nasty little beasts!Take care!Shannon

  10. Unknown says:

    "…sprinted towards me like a bug who had nothing to lose."————-This is priceless! Thanks for the chuckle….I can so relate, except it\’s those little jumping spiders…..they are freaks of nature! A 31 yo male friend of mine is terrified of daddy long legs–go figure, we all got it.JLoI must add a link to tour space on my space. Tx

  11. 32 says:

    omg, (yes i\’m still reading… notice the time gaps between comments…. loser much? yes.) i laughed at "screamed like a girl and fled". (well i laughed at the whole thing. no not at u, with you, laughing with you…..)classicnext….

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