Now I Am Warm

Yesterday had to be one of the hardest days ever when it comes to motivating myself.  I’m trying to enjoy all states of nature whether it’s sunny and warm or cold and rainy.  The fluctuations in weather are necessary for life on our planet and there’s really no reason to let these fluctuations affect my state of mind or physical state for that matter.  It is my goal to not be affected by weather but it is definitely not my accomplishment.  Yesterday was cold, a steady rain was falling, and at 2:15 I was to go swimming.

With the arrival of winter swimming is a task a little harder to motivate for.  During the summer I could get out of the pool and bask in the glory of the sun afterwards, warming my skin and revitalizing my energy.  This of course is not possible in the winter and instead I must bundle up and make the trek across the Arctic into the van and back to my home where a warm shower awaits me.

My strongest desire yesterday was to do absolutely nothing.  More than anything I wanted to dull my mind with pointless activities and drown myself in my lack of energy and somber attitude.  But of course Bob was to arrive and I couldn’t let my employee get off that easy, so I forced myself to do what I had to do.  I constantly try to get myself to accept each moment and absorb myself in what I am doing with peace and tranquility.  Yet yesterday I was constantly wishing I was doing something else and couldn’t wait until it was all over.

It’s such a shame I am developing this horrible attitude toward water.  Before my injury one of my most favorite activities was visiting the indoor pool and swimming laps.  It was the most refreshing feeling to enter the cool water and reintroduce myself to my lineage of aquatic life as all my muscles worked together to slice through the molecules of hydrogen and oxygen.  For the moment nothing else mattered except for the fluid teamwork of my muscles to get me from one end of the pool to the other.  Afterwards, my muscles were relaxed and jello-like.  I breathed easier and my mind felt purified.

Now when I enter the pool, all I can think about is how cold I’m going to be.  My mind is constantly on the warm shower that awaits me and the journey of coldness in-between.  Every once in awhile a brief moment will occur in which I absorb myself within the water.  With both ears beneath the surface, the sounds are calm and soothing.  For that moment I am no longer cold and I am no longer waiting for the future.  But once again it is only a glimpse.

Today the skies have cleared and the sun has emerged.  I’ve yet to step outside but my energy is 10 times more so than yesterday.  I’m physically ready to take on the day and I feel motivated to accomplish whatever needs to be done.  At the moment I am a warm but it can always change in an instant.  But now is not that instant, now I am warm.

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5 Responses to Now I Am Warm

  1. Patricia says:

    I love this entry. I am glad you are warm. What does science say about the chills and temp changes that you experience. I\’m sure it has to do with circulation, but it is different to me that when in bed you get warm and when up you get cold. I don\’t know much about it. I remember always being freezing at the ski slopes as a kid. I hated that, but I wanted to be out there. My brother, who was a great skier and my idol, proclaimed, "I\’m like a bear I don\’t feel the cold weather!" I thought, ah man, I so feel the cold weather – but then I found myself duplicating him-I would be freezing my butt off teeth rattling, my mom would ask me if I was cold and I would think to myself, "I\’m like a bear!"Been feeling wickedly out of it lately, but coming back around to feeling better. Remember, I am always here and totally think you are amazing and awesome just because you are you – my best, patti

  2. Shannon says:

    Hey Colin!Just wanted to stop by and say hi! Sorry Im not around as much as I used to be…so much going on over the next month. But glad to hear you are feeling a little more upbeat. I hate being cold…not nearly the same for me as it is for you, but I still hate it. Nothing like being warm, I will agree!Take care bud!Shannon

  3. Shannon says:

    Oh Colin,I forgot to tell you what happened in class today! Just sitting there on a regular afternoon in room 16 right before lunch. One of my kids yells out "Ms. Shannon! He is peeing!" Sure enough, John, one of my students, is standing there with his pants down, just peeing on the carpet in my classroom. He TOTALLY knows how to take himself to the bathroom as well! Guess he just didnt feel like walking out the door and was more comfortable staying right where he was! UGH!Havent shared a school story in a bit…thought you would get a kick out of that one.Shannon

  4. Tina says:

    I am glad that you were able to feel a glimpse of warmth the other day and that your motivation was up. I hope that you are feeling well today. I do hope that you can figure out a way to harness that motivation and energy that you felt the other day. I would be more than willing to participate in a healing session again if you think that would help.Gotta run and take a shower before my daughter gets up….. Hope you have a great day!Tina

  5. Patricia says:

    Hey Colin! Hope it is going well. Just dropping in to say hello. -patti

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