I thoroughly enjoyed watching the game but I couldn’t help but reminisce about the life I could have had if I never broke my neck. I would be there in the stands, probably slightly buzzed from a couple of drink warmers, jumping up and down with my fellow students at each play of accomplishment. Then recklessly charging out onto the field, once the win was at hand, to celebrate a possible national championship. I can almost pick out my face on the crowded field of energized youth, smile beaming, caught up in a moment I would probably remember as one of the happiest times of my life.
So far this winter has brought many thoughts of what I would be doing in this life which does not exist. I can sense how I would be feeling, the mood and atmosphere that would surround me on a day-to-day basis. The cold winter winds would be harsh across my skin yet refreshing and energizing. The smell of snow in the air would brighten my eyes at the thought of flying down the ski slopes on my snowboard, achieving first-time aerial maneuvers with the greatest of satisfaction. Then the feeling of returning to the warmth of my home, stripping off the wet outer shell covering my body, and sinking into the couch as my muscles tingled from fatigue and the reintroduction to heat. Winter in the mountains brings a feeling of isolation and detachment but also a cozy feeling of protection when indoors, listening to the winds howl through the valleys and whistling through the trees.
I am more accepting of my life and my present situation at the moment than I have been in a while. Yet when I observe the senses of my body, and I feel the awareness I have of my legs, I can’t help but know the strong possibilities of normalcy in my life again. The literal feeling I have in my bones and muscles tell me that there is no common sense when it comes to my current physical state. Someone just tell me where to flip the switch and it will all be over.
In my eyes the life I imagine could have been does not exist, but I wonder if it does exist somewhere in some alternate reality. Somewhere in some other dimension my same body is experiencing life without paralysis. Weird, but I feel as if it may be true.