One Day Just Isn’t Enough

Wow, I think I about pee’d my pants during the Carolina Panthers game today.  What was supposed to be a primarily defensive game turned out to be a shootout between the two opponents.  My heart was beating like crazy the entire second half especially when Chicago was charging down the field with under a minute left to try and tie the game.  I finally felt at ease as Rex Grossman, quarterback of the Bears rushed a fourthdown play and let a pass sail past his receiver.  On to Seattle we go to play for a spot in this year’s Super Bowl.  I love it.

 

This weekend has been a little strange for me.  On Thursday my spirit was alive and I felt energized about life.  I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder how long this is going to last? could this finally be a lasting phase, not just a glimpse of pure contentment and happiness”?  That night I went out to rugby practice for the first time since beginning of December, when the holiday break from practice started.  My friend Johnny and his wife Nikki met us there.  Johnny was in inpatient while I was there and is a paraplegic.  Him and his wife are just great people to be around and it is easy to feed off of their spirit and energy.

 

I sunk down into the rugby chair and got nice and cozy.  As soon as I taped up my hands and began to push I could feel an immediate difference since the last time.  I was pushing faster and turning much easier.  We had enough people to play fullcourt but the last time we did this I grew kind of frustrated because I felt like I was more so just taking up space rather than actually participating.  This time was much different however and I felt like I was much more involved in the action and helping out my team mostly by setting picks and being at the right place at the right time.  I had a great time and the feeling that maybe this was something I could actually accomplish was coming back to me.

 

I went to sleep that night feeling good about where I was.  The moment was accepted and I agreed to myself that if the big thing going on my life right now was still simply working out and rehabbing than I must continue to put my heart into it.  Even though I don’t know what future accomplishments will be made by doing so I can succeed by fully embracing the moment of this time in my life and giving it all I’ve got. 

For some reason it seems that when I’m feeling good I don’t sleep well and that night wasn’t any different.  I woke up Friday morning feeling groggy but motivated.  I worked out some at home and then headed to the gym early to get on the FES bike.  Due to a baby shower I was unable to ride the bike that day so I went upstairs to talk to a newly injured patient.

 

I have been talking to more newly injured people recently, mostly my own age, and I can definitely say it’s a good thing.  It’s hard for me sometimes to talk with people who are already more independent than I am coming out of surgery.  But I think it actually helps people to see someone like me who is worse off than them dealing with what I have been given as well as I do.  Just like when I see people worse off than me it helps me to realize how lucky I am.  If I am able to help others than whatever emotional trials I have to go through is worth it.  Despite any jealousy I might feel, I want people to recover from this and to live life to their utmost abilities.

 

For the rest of that day I felt extremely tired and run down and was no longer pumped and energized like the day before.  I slept better that night but the next day I still felt  exhausted.  Along with the exhaustion I was in an emotional funk.  It’s not easy to be content and happy when you feel sick and tired.  This is one of the reasons I find it so hard to accept the moment because I always feel tired and run down.  One day of happiness just isn’t enough.

 

I’m feeling better today.  A bit more energized and somewhat ready to start another week with my aid buddy.  One thing that does help me is to continue to have a spiritual or inspirational book to read.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve read enough and it is time to simply implement but I feel like I need a constant reminder from someone to continue to ponder my deeper self.  Tomorrow’s another day, another chance to find that spiritual bliss within me and let it shine for more than just a day.

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8 Responses to One Day Just Isn’t Enough

  1. Patricia says:

    Dear Colin! I\’m so happy for you in the fact that you did some things like watching the football game and playing Rugby and talking to others and did things that you enjoyed and had a great day! How excellent!I know what you mean about being tired and getting into a funk about being tired – in fact I just blogged about it today – Callie reminded me in her comment that it isn\’t really a funk and that it is rather time to refresh, get some rest and re-energize – I loved her way of renaming it in a way because it gives me a new perspective to think of that tired time a bit differently. I look forward to trying to think differently about it. As far as reading material, I just picked up a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Voice of Knowledge, A practical guide to inner peace. Another thought about ideas for books that I sometimes do is ask the local college for a curriculmn in a course that I might enjoy. I tell them a little about my situation and that I would love a book list and typically they send it – if not I get the course number and go to the student bookstore and ask for the books or order them. I have found many books I love and since you mentioned maybe you would like to take some courses in Religion or philosophy maybe you could find out their book list – just a thought. I wish you another happy day and remember – dream big my friend, it will be a great day. – my best -patti

  2. Shannon says:

    Hi Colin!Just wanted to stop by and say hello! Just got back from my trip last night. It was a long haul but we made it safe and sound! Stop by and say hello, okay?Take care!Shannon

  3. Patricia says:

    Does that mean that you won\’t be blogging here? I so hope that you will continue to write here. I love your writing and you have taught me so much. I guess that is selfish of me though – I\’m glad that you are talking with your friends and enjoying that, it sounds very healthy. Great day and dream big, patti

  4. Anita says:

    Thanks for dropping by. I hope that the changes that I\’ve made to my space prevented your system from crashing.I gave up on the music and fanck backgrounds for now… becouse quite a few people where telling me that they could not enter my site.I myself am feeling the spring comming too.It\’s been 45 degrees here (up north LOL), and I can almost smell the baby leaves wanting to burst out of the swollen buds on the leaves.I hope that Feb uary will not spoil everything with some nasty ice storms, but even if it does I am not all that worried… Nature seems to always fix it\’s own problems.Let me know when you will see the first flowers though!I always get such joy from my first spring flowers…. I go hunting for them in our local state park.I am still off of work by the way.I have been doing LOTS of yoga and enjoying Choprak on the wisdom channel.It is helping me with my health issues.How is your feeling of cold doing?There are few breathing teqnickues in Yoga that might be very helpfull.It\’s the warm breathing (exhail through your mouth) that I find the most warming and beneficial to help me with my side effects.You might want to look into it as well.Anyways… I have to run!Have a great day my friend,Anita

  5. CallieHuggles says:

    Ohh Geeze, You have me in Tears of Joy here..{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Big Huggles }}}}}}}}}}It\’s Not easy to be so soon into your own recovery, and do what you are doing… ButYEAH For Getting into the Games with your Friends, and Participating…Ya Know, there is one thing abuot friends…REMEMBER.. THEY ARE FRIENDS, when They act goofy and Walk slow and all…Trust me, over the last few years, I have seen FOR REAL… Kids walking on their hands telling me comon\’ grandma You are slow.. ( I am no Grandma Just slow ) but it did make me laugh…Smarty pants Kids who don\’t wear Belts to Keep their pants UP… Seem Not to remember that those Brithes go when Standing on Ones HEAD .. Giggle..Because I mentor, I have so many NOTHER kids, 8-25, now they are spreading around the world since I started my blogging =) but locally, Lots of Under 18 kids have their parents Leave their kids here…Gosh, with a Crippled person,…GO FIGURE… and the Kids stay here, don\’t run away…it\’s a good thing when they know you have EARS… not just advice…I Think Your Journaling is Awesome….I spy in often, and I am so happy that your therapy is working out…When you are ready for more Input, I am willing to answer that email you first sent…. LOL I think I see that My Angel Girl Patti has already been giving away some tips… They are never secrets… the whole world should know…Ever proud to watch you grow…You are worth it.. Continue to Enjoy and Embrace each of Your TODAYS{{{{{{{{{{{{ Huggles }}}}}}}}}CalliePS.. My kiddies… this Ole grannie says.. chomping on gums… MSN has been having BIG ISSUES the past two weeks… This happens EVERY Time Kids get new Puters… will happen again when they get them for graduation Ugg..Bored unattened Kids..Let Your Positive Voices Be Heard`1`

  6. Patricia says:

    Colin, You always leave such beautiful comments – thanks for being you – patti

  7. Patricia says:

    Me again, had to come back after responding to something from Anita and reading your question to her if she ever dreamed of flying – I dreamed I was flying last night! It happens to me every so often – it is pretty cool – sometimes I think about it before I go to bed – I imagine it sort of from the inside out if that makes any sense – I imagine my emotions and will sort of pulling up from the top of my head and out and guiding my body weightlessly and soon I am amongst the tree tops! If I lose concentration in my dream, I sink slowly and safely to the ground and then have to start over again- no, I haven\’t been out drinking – and yes, I know that this is strange. Try it! Fun dreaming – go for a soar! – patti -I think about it a bit before I go to sleep, then forget about it and fall asleep and sooner or later it seems to pop up one night in my dreams. Weird huh? For me it doesn\’t feel entirely liberating as I feel like I need to concentrate or something but it is a strange sort of great sensation at the same time.

  8. Patricia says:

    Yes, I imagine that all three of my questions are something that you think about too. I just finished watching Erin Brocovich on tv. You know it reminded me a few things – if we have the power to use our minds wisely there is no telling what we can do when a situation presents itself or if we think hard about something that we want to approach, change or find out about. I guess life is a series of such things – the restlessness alternating with senses of peace that we feel sometimes may be the very thing that promotes or propels us to move in a direction that is meaningful and our unique experiences can make us able to communicate some things – for instance the way that Erin Brocovich wasn\’t a lawyer – the way that she could talk to people on a real honest level, the way she cared, the way she fought, believed in and accomplished her goals. Sometimes very often when I least expect it, a book, a movie, the wisdom of a friend such as yourself will help restore my will power – think of ways I want to direct my attention. Lately I have felt restless as if I am on the cusp of something that I don\’t yet know. I find myself prepared to make changes. I find myself wanting to improve in many areas. I find a yearning to find life\’s direction – I think that the curious mind wants to know, but that the will helps us find it and a patient heart lets us meet it. Restored with a sense of knowing some of my strengths as well as my weaknesses is a self-discovery process that is hard but teaches me and guides me towards hope that I can use my strengths to overcome the difficult parts. Colin, your mind is so sharp – you have much to offer the world. I think that we both do through different paths to our own goals. I believe in you and will try to believe in myself. Additionally, you have taught me much about patience and removing the ego – this helps me to focus on the things that really matter to me in my mind as values. The human parts that make me believe in the whole. An openness to spirituality and trust in that presence. An openness to intutitiveness and a basic awareness of a core in myself that is not of me but helps me. I never feel alone as you taught me about that inner part – I remember it was the first time we corresponded that you helped me to realize that. So hold to big dreams – I feel reenergized after watching that movie for some reason, and I wish to share it with you. So I\’m sending some positive energy your way. Dream big and believe in great things – my best, patti

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