During the week I always look forward to the weekends, a time for relaxation and peace, but when the weekend comes my expectations are not usually met and negative emotions are quite common. I always think that the break from my nursing aid and extended amount of time to simply do nothing will be very enjoyable but the pleasure I expect just isn’t there. I tend to want to find ways in which I can escape for my injury and escape from my reality. Then when my reality is thrown in my face I greet it with frustration and anger.
The emotional roller coaster ride has actually been much calmer over the past week and has graduated to the kiddie rides section of the amusement park. My spirits for the most part have been on the up and up and I have had a renewed confidence at the idea of the unlimited amount of possibilities which may come to manifest in my life. I have always said that I believe anything is possible in life, including the possibility of my full and complete recovery. I say this but in the back of my mind I know there has been substantial doubt because of the statistical findings concerning my situation. As far as I know, statistics conclude or infer that people who fully recover have most of their recovery in the first year, it slows down in the second and then recovery continues to slow further the third year and on. The statistics tend to put a damper on my faith when it comes to my physical possibilities but recently these statistics are not shining as brightly in my eyes.
Miracles have and still take place in the world today. I once thought that since Jesus has come and gone, then that meant such miraculous healing abilities were now nonexistent, but this is not the truth. Great spiritual master’s and healers walk among us and my faith in this fact has increased over the past year as I have read about these enlightened spirits and personally interacted with people who have exquisite gifts from God. Each and every one of us actually contains the gift to heal yet not all of us know how to tap into this power. When healers do their work they are simply giving us access to our own healing abilities.
I believe I probably need some help from some great spirits if I am to naturally accomplish my own physical recovery and I also believe that there may be a particular soul out there who is meant to help me. Yet I cannot know if I meant to find this person or if this person even exists, but I seem to be consistently pointed towards the direction of great spirits with great potential. I feel extremely blessed and lucky to have come across these people and I can’t help but feel that my search for healers and for recovery is meant to be.
When I envision myself experiencing a miraculous unexpected recovery I cannot help from feeling a certain amount of guilt. I imagine myself walking into the hospital rooms of newly injured spinal cord patients and I wonder what I would say to them. I suppose I could be an example that absolutely anything is possible no matter what the statistics say. I’m sure many spinal cord injured people would be hit with the sting of jealousy wondering “why him and not me?” as I would be wondering the same. Why do I deserve recovery more than any other person? I feel the guilt of recovery in my present situation but it does not match up to the guilt I would feel if I were to completely leave this injury behind me. If I were to leave my wheelchair in the dust my life would be much improved but it is certain that my problems would not be left in the dust as well and dealing with my guilt would be one I would have to face. So just as I have had to discover what is the right thing to do in my present situation, I am more than willing and I desire to discover what is right in the position as a fully recovered spinal cord injury. I’m not going to let my fear of future nonexistent problems stop me from fulfilling my true desires.