The Water Stays the Same

Every now and then I have experiences that leave me thinking, “There it is, there’s God.”  I then think to myself that if only I could hold onto that moment, hold onto that feeling then I would know complete bliss.  Each time I seem to feel God the moment is fleeting and is replaced with beliefs, thoughts, and concepts of the idea of me or my identity.  From there I work towards accessing that blissful moment again, racking my brain to figure out what caused it or what led me to God.  I become spiritually addicted.  Like a drug I am injected with a spiritual high that quickly fades dropping me to a state which I label with various names such as depressed, or unconscious.  I figure life is not meant to be lived this way and I await the moment where I reach my true nature once again so that I can get my fix.  As long as I get a dose every once in a while I’m able to continue on and I figure the more I access the spiritual moment the more so I will progress as a spiritual being, yet I am alluded. 

The moments where I feel bliss contain no more God than when I feel down and depressed.  All that exists is God and everything comes from God including experiences ranging from all ends of the spectrum.  At this moment I do not feel the bliss of an awakened state yet the same amount of peace is present, the same amount of love, the same amount of my divine nature.  As human beings it is natural and unavoidable to experience emotions negative and positive and it is only when we label these emotions as “me” that we disconnect ourselves from the oneness of all creation.  Such as “I am not supposed to feel this way” or “This is not me, this is not my true nature.”  When I say these statements I’m struggling to define myself, my identity, but the truth is my sense of self does not exist because all of existence is one and the same.  Even when I reach those moments of bliss and I say, “I am awakened”, I define myself and I am separate from creation.

No one moment from my past defines who I am, I am simply this moment right here and now.  It’s human nature for experiences to shift, and to flow high and low.  When I am high, there is God.  When I’m low, there is God.

It seems this concept could cause me to get stuck in a state of depression.  But if I were to truly let my emotions flow naturally without definition or opinions, then they would come and go like the waves in the ocean.  Things would get rough and choppy but like the water my soul would not fight the currents and slowly the calm would return.  Rough or calm, the water stays the same.

I do not really understand, I am simply reflecting.  Nothing I ever say or hear is the truth.  The truth can never be intellectually understood because truth is experience and existence. 

Inspired from the book “Emptiness Dancing”, by Adyashanti.

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4 Responses to The Water Stays the Same

  1. Patricia says:

    There is a book called "Be Like a Mountain, Flow Like Water." i don\’t remember reading it but I love the saying so much – I acutally say it to myself when I am feeling frustrated in a meeting that I\’m having trouble focusing on – somehow it helps me relax. For some reason I have always been in love with the word "flow". I first came across it with the author "Finding Flow" by Csikszentmihalyi (yep I checked, apparently that is the spelling) – I read "Finding Flow" in an afternoon, nearly every page is earmarked with the richness of entering that amazing "zone" of what a child would possibly consider, well, play. I blissful state of engagement of the mind on something – a loss of time and place as one is engaged and the marvelous creativity that can be tapped into by the ability to let it flow. It is as close to the feeling of God that I sometimes feel sometimes. When I let my mind melt into the moment and see what is there. Experience it. The only comfort that I can share is that that I have learned is almost childlike but has some knowledge. a childlike existence has enabled me to sometimes let my spirit soar, to imagine, to dream, to find my own truths and beliefs. To unknow some of the things and beliefs that hold me back and make me so frightened sometimes. At other times I realize that I must face my fears – I have written about my desire to do so recently. Hoping that I can get beyond some of the self-defeating feelings that tangle me and make me feel trapped in a web of thinking that hurts me. I have a great ability to be imginative and it is one of my skills, on the other hand sometimes I feel shattered by my own ability to imagine things too much – to create scenarios that are unheathy and filled with fears of what if\’s. I am going to try my hardest to get over this mental block that makes it hard for me to feel my carefree nature – the nature that makes God feel close – trust. I have deep rooted trust in my spirituality as I have come to name it for lack of a better term. I just have to learn to live those beliefs more than just learn them. I think often, "What would I say or think for a friend or stranger I care about – what would I do to soothe the part that hurts?" Many times I find that the compassion that is within me is hardest to give to myself. Not for any reason necessarily – I think it is rather a habit. I wonder if it helps you to know that you have so much compassion within you – I have told you once before that if I had your heart, I would share it with you – I suppose that what I meant by this was that with all the knowledge and love that you have – I hope that you give it to yourself. You have a beautiful heart and an unending spirit – wisdom additionally that is a well-spring of hope, even when you are troubled by something, your message has thoughtful hope in it. I sense it, cradled there between the sentences sometimes. A beautiful longing within yourself that you possess the ability to fill on your own. It inspires me. knowing that you seperate yourself from ego, I hope that you take it the right way when I say that you would make a remarkable "life coach" – a remarkable leader of sorts in your questions and your journey. Life coaches don\’t know all the answers, no one does, but some people, like yourself, are blessed with the ability to raise questions that enhance the experience of life. This blessing of being aware and of having the intellect to ask the hard questions about life and knowledge can be hard. I sense your struggle and wish to soothe it. Constantly it is surprising to realize your age. You are wise beyond your years. Respect that wisdom even though it is hard, but don\’t let it beat you up. I love that you write with such honesty as to how you feel and what you are going through. I sense that an outlet would be good but hold back on advice giving, only you know what is best for you. An outlet of some sort I am willing to brainstorm with you. For me it was photography, for you it might be something else. The computer working with colors. I\’m not sure – there is art to your words. A book in fact to it all. But since I find such relief in photo and colors I wonder to about colors for you. I have worked on illustrator with colors and the colors always speak something to me about my mood – it may start out dark then grow blue then light blue. I find it interesting. It is like working in a lab of color emotion. Not unlike biology. Another form of checking in with myself – I could be blue but paint a fantastic yellow picture of hope and feel rejuvinated by my findings as if little voices speak from my heart onto paper. This sounds a bit nutty and I have never really written it out. There is a psychology to colors though that fascinates me.
    When I am feeling washed by the tides and ocean of emotions as you speak of, I picture myself by the sea when I go to sleep. I find peace in the sound of the waves. So I wish you kind and big dreams. Keep that heart of yours tender and questioning, but also bask in its glorious ways – you once told me that I am never without God and I know now having thought about it that it is true. I can feel it in my worst moments. I don\’t ask for bliss in knowing this – but I feel a peace. That brings peace, not always a sense of happy bliss, but peaceful calm, or at least a stillness to gather my strengths, dig deep in to what is important to me in this life, rejuvinate my desires and hopes and gather the wisdom that I need in order to grow and appreciate the things that are hardest for me to see when I feel down – instead of tuning everything out to feel bliss, I try sometimes to tune into everything – there is beauty there. An eye-openning child-like wonder that is filled with awe. My best and always dream big my friend. I believe in you. -patti

  2. Anita says:

    Loved your entry Collin,
    Whenever I come here there is this sence of spiritual groth that i really like and am so glad that you are so filled with grace and sprit that you can express yourself and inspire others.
    I was not like that 10 years ago.
    I am just starting to learn… just beginning my journey.
    Speaking of yourney i did decide to write about my passed.
    I think it\’s going to be good… becouse I have you and all the other spacers around that I consider some of the deeper friendships I have had in long time.
    We read each other thoughts and leave a thought of our own… Kind of like conversations on an airport… but yet we know how to \’run into\’ each other always.
    I think it\’s really cool and I know that having you and Patti… and Cali and all others will be such a tirp worth taking!
    Looking forward to your next comment and entry….
    Anita 

  3. Patricia says:

    Hey there! How are you? Hope well. Dropped by to see if you had any new entries and to say hello. I didn\’t get the big assignment that I wanted for photo and had proposal in, but plan on approaching it from a different angle and maybe more on the East Coast than the West as orginally planned. Bummer though. But its all good. Hope you are doing okay. my best and as always dream big! PS I think this month is going to be a great month! Happy February! -patti

  4. KATIE says:

    Hey Colin, How ya doing? I hope you are well and have something to smile about today. I really liked this entry. I truely enjoy your entries and you definitely inspire me to look at things with a new set of eyes (well in a sense*grins*)…I am amazed at your strength and faith (although you have doubts)…I see an amazing person that has a huge heart! ;)Take Care and have a wonderful day!Katie

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