Every now and then I have experiences that leave me thinking, “There it is, there’s God.” I then think to myself that if only I could hold onto that moment, hold onto that feeling then I would know complete bliss. Each time I seem to feel God the moment is fleeting and is replaced with beliefs, thoughts, and concepts of the idea of me or my identity. From there I work towards accessing that blissful moment again, racking my brain to figure out what caused it or what led me to God. I become spiritually addicted. Like a drug I am injected with a spiritual high that quickly fades dropping me to a state which I label with various names such as depressed, or unconscious. I figure life is not meant to be lived this way and I await the moment where I reach my true nature once again so that I can get my fix. As long as I get a dose every once in a while I’m able to continue on and I figure the more I access the spiritual moment the more so I will progress as a spiritual being, yet I am alluded.
The moments where I feel bliss contain no more God than when I feel down and depressed. All that exists is God and everything comes from God including experiences ranging from all ends of the spectrum. At this moment I do not feel the bliss of an awakened state yet the same amount of peace is present, the same amount of love, the same amount of my divine nature. As human beings it is natural and unavoidable to experience emotions negative and positive and it is only when we label these emotions as “me” that we disconnect ourselves from the oneness of all creation. Such as “I am not supposed to feel this way” or “This is not me, this is not my true nature.” When I say these statements I’m struggling to define myself, my identity, but the truth is my sense of self does not exist because all of existence is one and the same. Even when I reach those moments of bliss and I say, “I am awakened”, I define myself and I am separate from creation.
No one moment from my past defines who I am, I am simply this moment right here and now. It’s human nature for experiences to shift, and to flow high and low. When I am high, there is God. When I’m low, there is God.
It seems this concept could cause me to get stuck in a state of depression. But if I were to truly let my emotions flow naturally without definition or opinions, then they would come and go like the waves in the ocean. Things would get rough and choppy but like the water my soul would not fight the currents and slowly the calm would return. Rough or calm, the water stays the same.
I do not really understand, I am simply reflecting. Nothing I ever say or hear is the truth. The truth can never be intellectually understood because truth is experience and existence.
Inspired from the book “Emptiness Dancing”, by Adyashanti.