Limiting the Amount of Beans I Spill

To all the MSN spaces people out there, you may or may not know that I have two web sites, this one and another one called ColinsOdyssey.com.  I have always posted the same blog entries for both sites.  Most of the people who read on the Odyssey site are people who are somehow connected with me in ways other than the Internet.  Readers of the Odyssey site have no idea that my MSN spaces site exists.  I just thought I would clear that up.

I wrote about my new aid in my last entry without asking his permission first but I didn’t really think much of it, that is until I was introducing him to someone and the subject of the pink bike was brought up.  I believe the words were, “So you’re the guy with the pink bike”.  I felt pretty bad as it looked like I was going around town blabbing about how my aid rides a pink bike.  The next day I confessed to him that I have a web site and that I wrote about him and his pink bicycle.  He wasn’t upset by it at all and he said it reminded him of an episode of Seinfeld.  It seems someone is always saying something they shouldn’t in that show, especially Kramer and I quote, “You’re as pretty as the rest of them, you just need a nose job”.

The incident of my confession was not a big deal but it did remind me of my limitations concerning what I can and can’t write about.  When I first started writing I made it a point to be very truthful and honest.  I simply wrote about whatever was in my head at the time.  Now however, I’m finding it hard to be completely honest about my life because many of the situations I go through should not be read by everyone.  I really never know who may be reading.  Even now, the majority of my emotions cannot be expressed.  Sorry, but it looks like I’m only going to be able to convey a portion of who I am.  Not that it’s possible to fully convey who I am anyways.

Life has been good lately.  My aid and I continue to get along well and it seems that his situation is slowly being resolved as well by coming across my family and I.   I continue to maintain my focus on my therapy making sure that each day I participate in some sort of activity which pushes me physically.  I have also been focusing on my healing meditations more so than ever before, closing my eyes and visualizing the healing process whenever the chance arises.  I mostly visualize my nervous system erupting in blue light as if a lightning bolt has struck my head charging my body with electricity.  Most of my efforts has been focused on my upper body, being my chest, back, and arms.  Much of the time while doing these meditations the muscles in my chest will begin to twitch slightly as well as my triceps at times.  Lately, I feel an overall change occurring in my body.  Strange tingling sensations are occurring in my legs, I have seen trace muscle movements which I’ve never seen before in areas of my legs, my left wrist has gotten much stronger as well as my arms, but mostly it’s just a feeling in my gut which I can’t explain.

I continue to go to rugby practice every Thursday night and I’m continually improving when it comes to my pushing skills.  I am much faster than when I started this past October.  The rest of the team is still pushing circles around me but I’m seeing the improvement which keeps me motivated to continue my efforts.  We are actually getting very good turnouts and I’m thinking the team should have 10 or more players come next season.

The Adaptive Sport Adventure Program is hosting an event on March 18th at the Bobcats Arena.  It will be an expo featuring demonstrations of quad rugby, power soccer, and hopefully basketball.  I should be participating in both quad rugby and soccer.  The expo goes from 1 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. and then the Bobcats play the Pistons at 7: 30 that night.  ASAP is selling highly discounted tickets to the game that night which also include admission to the expo.  It would have been nice if the expo was right before the game but the one o’clock slot was the only one available.  Five dollars from each ticket sale will be donated to the ASAP program.  So if you’d like to buy some cheap tickets to the bobcats game or would just like some more information let me know.  Unfortunately, cheaper tickets for just the expo are not being sold, but if you do by a ticket to the game it would be great if you could make it to the expo as well.

The past couple of months, no matter what mental state I’m in I have been telling myself the statement, “this too shall pass”.  Of course it makes perfect sense to say this when you are feeling down.  To remind yourself that eventually you’ll feel better and whatever negative emotion you’re feeling will go away at some point.  The statement however isn’t just referring to bad times but by saying “this too”, the statement refers to both good times and bad.  Life goes through continuous cycles and there will be many ups and downs which cannot be avoided although people try perpetually to do so.  In my recent times of high spirits I sometimes became aware while subconsciously talking to myself that I am wondering when the high times will become low again.  When feeling good, I know eventually that good feeling will go away and this saddens and frustrates me.  I then tell myself this too shall pass, which reminds me to not identify with any single moment in time whether it be good times or bad.  There’s no use in getting caught up when good times will end or when bad times will be over because the cycle of life is uncontrollable and no matter how hard we try each moment will eventually be swept away in the breeze.  Like an oak tree on a hilltop, we must simply let the seasons roll through as we remain grounded and rooted to the earth.

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6 Responses to Limiting the Amount of Beans I Spill

  1. joannie says:

    i have read your site for quite some time and have never fealt the need to leave a comment. but i guess this blog touched a nerve with me. i dont see why you are apologizing. this is your site and your thoughts and views about your life and your situation. why apologize. truly if he was hurt or upset about a pink bike comment he would be pretty thin skinned. every person views a situation differently and has different opinions that is what makes us humans and not robots. by the way i have read aout your progress and set backs… it sounds to me like you are doing an awesome job.

  2. Anita says:

    Collin,
    I found myself ina similar situation few times… when it comes to writing.
    This is why sometimes I just drop hints… not actaull detales of what is going on in my life.
    My churches mission for example… I just left it alone becouse I would not want to expose someone elses life.
    I too have people from real life reading my blogs.
    As a matter of fact few of my friends whom I have lost contact with in Polan has found me throught Kenny\’s space, and I was able to get back in touch with them.
    My therapist Jason, also reads mey blog, and I too mentioned him on Spaces…
    If he does not like it…. I will revise, but untill he says soemthing this is my rule:
    First do no harm.
    I will not judje anyone on my blog nor will I intentinally slander them.
    Second rule is soemthing that I have learned from all of the wonderfull peple that I have met through spaces:
    I write for myself, and hope that others might gain something from it… but I write in order to shaer my thoughts…
    It is very noble of you to care about what others might think about how you feel, and what is going on in your life, as long as you do not forget that the spaces and the Odessy is really about you.
    So write what makes you feel good, and write what helps you rationalize some of the things that you might be going through… and dont worry about the privacy thing…
    You see if it was someone else … like one of your caretakers that was doing it this would be wrong… but you can share with the world your own opimions as much as you would like.
    I know that I am rambleing so I better go,
    Have a wonderfull day!
    Enjoy your sports!
    Anita

  3. Shannon says:

    Colin,
    I can totally understand what you are talking about.  When I had my first blog, I was always worried that someone would just happen to come across it and know I was talking about them.  And that was a big deal because of all of the confidentiality issues associated with my job.  If a parent came by and knew I was talking about them or their child, I could have gotten into a lot of trouble.  That was why I often used initials.  But even then, I could not describe too much…lets face it, I had some pretty distinct characters that would have known I was talking about them, considering my picture was on my blog!
    I have a question for you.  What are the schools like in Charlotte?  Ive been considering moving back to the east coast, perhaps at the end of this school year.  I have a very good friend who lives in Charlotte and he and his family seem to enjoy it.  The teacher salary is about the same as it is here, but the cost of living seems much less…I looked at the cost of housing and MAN! Is it cheaper than what it is out here!  So I was just curious what you think of the schools and the area. 
     
    Thanks and hope you had a great weekend!
    Shannon

  4. Patricia says:

    Hi Colin – You sound fantastic! Congratulations. I have tried to keep my site to myself and those I have met here and find that writing has been such an unexpected and worthwhile sharing of emotions that a lot of times I had no way of untangling until I wrote and then people\’s comments were so helpful. I hope that you can continue to write in a way that is helpful to gain perspective and about your emotions. I think that like kids things can be said much more frequently than not and as adults we learn to bottle a lot up. Sometimes I will describe a situation and not a name or relation and it helps.
    I\’m so glad that you are having such great meditation sessions. way to go! Trust your gut.
    I know what you mean about "this too shall pass" – I remember the exact moment that I first had someone tell me that. I felt a sense of calm pondering at the thought. It helped me.
    I have been doing well for the past several days and wonder too – when will I get the shifting of emotions – I find that knowing my tendency to swing the other way towards unhappier feelings I can in some ways do something to prolong the good. Like for instance, I have had two days off and I know I like to hybernate. The first and second day I enjoy it and by the third I can get a bit melancholy. So tonight I tried something different and forced myself to get out and go to the mall. It was refreshing and I feel myself holding on just a bit longer to the happy feelings – not surpressing them – but letting them wait a bit longer or something. Who knows.
    I have a conference down south sometime in March (I got a scholarship to attend a brain injury conference? I can\’t even remember if I rsvp\’d, you just reminded me). If the dates correspond on my trip past Charlotte I\’ll let you know as far as your expo. Sounds like fun! I think the conference might be earlier in the month though. Either way I\’ll be rooting for ya!
    Best as always and dream big! – patti

  5. Unknown says:

    Hi Colin-
     
    I thought of you when I read this article. Thought you might be interested.
     
     
    http://www.venturacountystar.com/vcs/religion_and_ethics/article/0,1375,VCS_151_4477151,00.html

  6. Shannon says:

    Hi Colin,
    Thanks for your comment.  Ive often said that if I raise kids in this area, I will send them to private school as well.  However, the school Im teaching at is as close as you could get to a private school, while still being a public school (if that makes sense).  And I would definitely have my kids go there if Im still teaching there by then.  There isnt a lot of culture here either, but Vegas is such a new city and they dont like anything to get old…a building is 20 years old, and they implode it to build something else.  I think they just blew up two buildings within the past month or so.  You are probably right when you say the culture will come in time.  My friend lives outside of Charlotte I believe…I want to say its an area that starts with an "L"…Im not sure exactly.  But as I mentioned in my previous comment, he and his wife really seem to like it there.  So who knows.  What is the job market like there…any kind of job, not just teaching?  Ive seen quite a few available teaching positions, but dont have a clue about the rest.
     
    Thanks for the info and have a great week!
    Shannon

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