Simmer Down Now

Life has been pretty exciting recently.  Maybe not so exciting to the average person but in my mind I have been living life on the edge.  I have been testing boundaries and forcing myself out of my comfort zone.  It has not been easy but it’s something I must force myself to do if I am to live life to the fullest.  It’s amazing though, that with all the spiritual reading and learning I have done in the recent months, I still find myself constantly anticipating the future.  Stressing because I want to know what future outcomes will be and the fact that there is no way possible to know drives me crazy.  I tend to worry that certain situations will turn out badly instead of good, while knowing that if I simply follow what I know to be true than it really does not matter.

I do not believe there is a strict destiny for each and everyone of us and our entire lives is already set out, but I do believe in a thing called syncrodestiny.  Meaning that I do have a destiny but I play a part in creating this destiny by seizing opportunities and being aware of signs which point me in the right directions.  Syncrodestiny becomes more apparent, the more you notice life going on around you, in the form of coincidences, and the finger of God pointing you down certain paths.  When life is thought of in this way there should be no worries as long as you do your part to create and leave the rest up to divine destiny.  When something seems to go wrong, there is no need to fret because it is simply God at work, just as it is also God at work when things seem to go right.  Notice that this philosophy does not allow one to sit back and do nothing has God runs the show, but puts a responsibility and ones shoulder to do their part while knowing that they are not alone as life is created.

Here yet again I have the knowledge to live a peaceful life but circumstances will continue to arise where nothing I do will rid myself of negative emotions.  I meditate on a certain philosophy or belief and the negative emotions will temporarily dissipate but a few moments later they’re back once again.  I meditate on different philosophies I’ve learned, testing the water with each but yet negativity simmers beneath.  These are the moments which I explained in my last entry, where no amount of knowledge can bring me the peace I seek, but it must come in a realization where no explanation is needed because it resonates deep from within my soul.  These realizations are hard to come by however, for as I said they only happen through the Grace of God something I have little control of.  So during the times when knowledge is doing me no good and realizations are nowhere to be found, I must accept the emotions simply as an emotion and accept that it’s something I am meant to go through for the development of my soul. 

One frustration I’ve been going through recently which I wish to voice is my inability to attack life with the same vigor and energy that I once possessed.  Fatigue and coldness seems to always beckon me to stay in my room within the safety of my walls.  I know my heart is screaming out at me to “Get out, meet people, do things!”  But my body says, “No, just sit and relax.  There’s no energy to do things.  You need to rest.”

It’s tough to know when to give into my heart and when to give into my body, when to create and when to contemplate.  The body is always a much louder voice and the heart tends to be a whisper, so all in all the body usually wins.  I don’t think that’s what I really want though.  What I really want is to have the body shut the hell up and leave me alone.  I wish it would bring me back my energy, my warmth, and my drive, or at least just a little bit of it.  But right now this is not the case and I must find other ways to deal with the difficulties life has brought upon me.  I’m hoping the coming of spring will revitalize me somewhat, which I think it will.

By the way, Murderball, the documentary on quadriplegic rugby is being shown on A and E TV tonight at 10 p.m.  There is probably going to be more than one airing, but if you haven’t seen the movie definitely check it out.

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9 Responses to Simmer Down Now

  1. Shannon says:

    Hi Colin,
    I had to chuckle when I read the title of this entry.  Reminded me of the old Saturday Night Live skit where Cheri O\’Teri kept yelling at people to "Simmer don nah!"  Perhaps thats where you got it?
    Its so easy to just give in to what our body is telling us.  I think that happens to a lot of us.  Its easier to come right home after work rather than go to the gym to work out.  Its easier to stay at home in comfort than go out and be social…at least for me a lot of times.  Im sure once the warmer weather kicks in your mind will change.  Spring has that effect on me…I hate the cold and love when it starts to warm up.
    Ill have to check out Murderball.  Hopefully I can stay up that late!
    Take care!

  2. Shannon says:

    Okay I was mistaken about my friend.  He lives in Huntersville.  The street name began with an "L"!  🙂

  3. Patricia says:

    Hey Colin – Jinx again on subject somewhat! that is bizzare…I just finished writing about worry and such…I think I always sort of want to hear someone say – "you know it is going to be okay" I realized that I have been waiting for this statement for what seems like forever..I suppose people don\’t say it to me in a way worried that it will minimize what I am going through or something, but I realized that I have waited to hear it as some sort of permission or something to feel more carefree. I was thinking about it this morning – and I had this sense wash over me that yep – it is going to be okay, great in fact. It was a pretty okay feeling! So I\’m sending that positive energy on over to you even though it sounds like you already got a bunch! Fabulous! I love the sentence you wrote about listening to your heart or your body – I get that. Create or contemplate. I suppose there is time for everything almost simultanously. Take care though and get the rest when you need it so that you can enjoy everything too is I suppose what I am learning. I\’ve also started scheduling rest time which seems a bit blah but it is helpful and lets me let go of other feelings and just enjoy the rest. YOU sound great!! This entry is fabulous! Go Colin!! Thanks for helping me to learn about sychrodestiny and trusting the universe a bit more!! Sounds good. -patti  

  4. Shannon says:

    Hey Colin!
    I watched Murderball last night…well at least most of it.  I fell asleep around 11.  It was really interesting.  I would like to see the rest of it so hopefully it will be on again soon!  Thanks for telling me about it!

  5. Anita says:

    Hi friend!
    Great entry. I am glad that you feel excitment when it comes to your destiny. I love what you wrote about God, and I feel preatty much the same way.
    I too ave been feeling better. Am very excited on my opcomming trip to Minnesota, and am still really looking forward to the upcomming spring.
    I do not know about the weather in your neck of the woods, but here up north is still preatty chilly.
    It is actually cloder now then it was in January…. Go figure.
    Anyways… Have a fabulous day/ night. I will catch that flick next time it comes around, and be back on the net sometimes next week.

  6. Patricia says:

    Hey there Colin, I haven\’t been on MSN in a couple of days and it feels like months! I don\’t know why. I think time has slowed some since stopping drinking caffiene or something, LOL!  There seems to be more of the day slowly. I know about the minde racing in circles. I always sort of wonder if I can quiet that – sometimes just reading something life affirming helps me – sometimes I think about what I have taken in that set my mind racing. For instance if I watched the news or something like that and get anxious about something else – I normally can figure out that the news while maybe relevant or maybe not was what triggered such emotions flowing. If I am confused about people in general or what is going on around me and that has me anxious I normally try to remember that everyone is doing their best, including me. I don\’t know. It can get hard sometimes and I panic. Lately I have been trying to be a bit more aware of things and it has made my life really interesting. on many notes it has been a struggle but at the same time very worth that struggle. I\’m willing to take the stuff that makes me anxious okay, in order to experience things again.and trying to remember that it is all going to be okay. I send you so much postitve energy. You are fabulous and doing great! Here\’s to March – it is going to be great! -patti

  7. Unknown says:

    I watched the documentary on your recommendation, not disappointed. 
    Murderball would have had a good shot at the Oscar last night if it weren\’t for the making of March of the Penguins and  it\’s  commercial success as an Imax film.
    Ahh…inertia, tough to overcome sometimes.  I find the key is to really be honest and ask myself if I\’m just being stubborn/lazy or have I done enough recently to warrant the attitude of  needing downtime.
    I find many times a change in scenery changes the mind along with it and everytime it amazes me.
    take care

  8. Unknown says:

    March of the Penguins was very good actually, I rented it when it came out.  It was breathtaking to actually see a place where man seldom travels. It was very unbiased, not all sweetness and light, it showed the full reality of exsistance, I teared up a few times.  I\’m not sure I would show it too very sensitive small children.

  9. Patricia says:

    Hey Colin – you haven\’t blogged in awhile so I was wondering how you are doing…  hope that you are doing great and that all is well. -patti

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