The Coming of Spring

The coming of spring has arrived.  Only a slight reminder of winter remains as the flower buds open and a hint of green sneaks into the background of our surroundings soon to overwhelm the senses.  Life is quietly emerging everywhere and there seems to be so many more details to take note of from the observant eye.  A tree sprouting a fresh new coat of foilage and a bumblebee circling and buzzing off towards its destination.  The birds singing their songs, and the lawnmowers igniting as the children laugh in the distance.  Life which for the last several months has been hidden behind walls, beneath the earth, or only existed potentially as a group of cells, awakens with a gust of wind and warm sunshine.

Just the other day it was around 75° and I sat outside beneath a spotless blue sky, soaking in the sunshine as a light breeze streamed across my face.  I felt a happiness and a bliss of the grandest purity and each breath had a magical quality to it.  I was neither cold nor hot, a very rare occasion, and I could think of nowhere else I would rather be.  I love those moments when the busy mind is finally hushed and contentment is felt so that there are no thoughts of what I should be doing or should be worrying about.  The insane mind whispers in the background my fears, frustrations, and pointless future predictions, yet something deeper, something peaceful is present which allows me to shake my head at the whispering voice and laugh at the absurdity of its claims.

I could find no real reason to go anywhere or to do anything, because why try to escape the feeling of contentment.  I had a strong urge to sit there for hours with a six pack of beer and a smile on my face.  I never got the six pack but I did sit there for a while longer until I eventually made the decision to leave the moment behind because all moments in time must come to an end.  The voice will get louder and take control for a little while but that moment too will pass.  Then the nagging voice will once again fade into the background leaving me to rest in my peace reminding me of its everlasting presence.

Despite the coming of spring this weekend has not been exactly an easy one for me.  After several months of UTI freedom, I began to recognize symptoms of a possible urinary tract infection this past Friday.  Because of the sensation I have I can always tell when a tract infection is on the move.  I get a slight pressure within my lower abdomen followed by a strong sensation as if I’m going pee myself.  Then a chilled shiver sensation starts in the groin area and spreads over my entire body.  I’ve come to realize that this feeling is due to my bladder spasming as a result of the attacking bacteria.  It’s a very uncomfortable feeling and its strength varies depending on the severity of the infection.  Most of the time once my bladder starts spasming it doesn’t stop until I empty the bladder of its contents, giving me relief for at least a short while.

On Friday I felt like I could deal with the bladder spasms for the time being and figured if I drank plenty of water over the weekend and drained my fluids more frequently, then I could get rid of the infection naturally.  This meant I could not leave the house much but I was OK with that.  I would simply chill out at home, watch college hoops, and pee my troubles away.

Last night however I was awoken with the uncomfortable sensation of my bladder spasming.  After discovering that I could not control the spasms I called for assistance so I could take a leak.  A few moments later I could suddenly feel blood rushing to my face as I realized one of the worst symptoms of being a spinal cord injury was about to occur, dysreflexia.

Because sensation is lost after spinal cord injury, dysreflexia is the body’s way of telling me that something is wrong.  When dysreflexia occurs blood pressure skyrockets and a headache of nightmarish qualities occurs.  With each heartbeat an atomic bomb explodes inside my skull leaving me questioning whether or not the end of the road has been reached.  After much moaning, groaning, and hollering the appropriate measures were taken to empty the root cause of my suffering.  The pounding had ceased but at least for an hour longer a strong migraine persisted.  I just kept repeating that the headache was fading into the emptiness as I stepped back and observed the pain.  The migraine slowly downgraded to a strong headache and I began to dictate the events of my life to myself starting at the earliest I could remember.  For some reason this worked and the pain was gone.

Since then, each time my bladder spasms dysreflexia strikes.  Luckily I was able to get to the doctor today and get some antibiotics.  Whenever a UTI rears its ugly head into my life, I seem to think I can get rid of it without drugs, but every time I’m reaching for those pills.  Maybe I’ve learned my lesson this time.

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9 Responses to The Coming of Spring

  1. Patricia says:

    Dear Colin, i\’m so sorry about the UTI and hope that you are feeling better very fast. I had uti infections continuously as a child. ask your doctor about drinking cranberry juice daily- it helped me.
    I love your recollection of sitting in the sun! Those are my most favorite moments. It is still a bit cool here but you through your fabulous writing took me there. The lawnmower and the sound of kids is something that always makes me smile.
    Today the two women who I work for at one of the magazine\’s stopped in and had work gloves in hand and helped me clean my place spotless – I refused their help but they wouldn;t take no for an answer. then they said that they were waiting to have beers and cookouts on my back porch this summer. I have never been so thrilled. 🙂 It is amazing the power of friendship. It warms my heart.
    Best to you and hopes for a speedy recovery from UTI and wishes for more golden moments in the sun to relax! – patti

  2. Shannon says:

    I know the feeling you mentioned about the spring weather.  I had a very similar feeling today driving home.  Although stuck in traffic and should have been stressed beyond belief as I usually am on my way home from school, I felt unusually calm.  It was almost disturbing, as there are a lot of things going on in my life that should have me stressed out (not to mention bumper to bumper freeway traffic!)  But I feel very relaxed at the moment.  Its amazing what Spring weather can do!
    The part about you talking to yourself about your life events reminds me of the scene in the movie "Mask".  Not sure if you ever saw it, but Rocky Dennis is severely deformed due to a bone growth disorder.  The intense bone growth caused severe headaches, and Rocky would "make himself well" by talking himself through the pain.  One scene in particulare showed him talking about a pleasant place, such as a tropical setting (I believe).  He then drifted off to sleep, seeming to be pain free.
    Hope that nasty UTI clears up really quick!  They are NOT fun!
    As far as my job search, looks like I will end up in either Richmond, Virginia or the DC Metro area (Maryland or Virginia side).  So doesnt look like I will be heading to the Charlotte area!
    Take care!

  3. Unknown says:

    Uti\’s are just about the worst curable affliction.
    A small cup of cranberry juice daily can help avoid them. They even make cranberry pills.
    feel better,

  4. Anita says:

    We had 70\’s weather on my birthday, but then more nasty march weather returned and we are back to winter.
    I love how you described your time in the sun, and I wish you many great moments like that…
    As for the UTI… do try the cranberries.
    I know that they must originate from the cathing, but the tannins in the fruits will help.
    So would eating more yogurt and supplememnting your diet with some enzymes…
    Have a great day my friend,

  5. Patricia says:

    Hello – Hope you are well. -patti 🙂

  6. The heavens declare the glory of God... says:

    Just a short note to let you know that Jesus loves and died for you!  You can experience in "Him", a contentment that nothing in this world nor any physical condition can take away.  I will pray for you!

  7. Patricia says:

    Hey Colin – Guess what! Wayne Dyer has a new book out called "Inspiration – calling to" -or the title is something like that – it talks about the things that inspire us in life and when we feel inspired and it is really interesting – it bases itself off of things he has mentioned before… I\’ve only read the first couple of pages and found it yesterday. Just thought since you liked some of his other work that I\’d let you know. hope you are great. Dream big! -patti

  8. Shannon says:

    Hey Colin!
    Just wanted to say hello and I hope you are feeling better!
    Take care!

  9. Susan says:

    I happened upon your site today and I wanted to say HI.
    I love the way you described your contentment in the above entry. I couldn\’t stop reading..It was also interesting to read about dysreflexia as my brother was recently paralyzed. I\’m trying to be as educated as I possilbly can on all things related.
    I hope you have a great day!

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