Looking up in Peace

I think everyone has that one person in their life, usually a family member, who knows exactly how to get your goat.  Certain things are said which seem to ignite a flame inside of you screaming at you to defend yourself.  There is a deafening impulse to let fly a string of hateful words to strike down your opponent and make them feel exactly how they just made you feel.  To pull them off of the podium they seem to be standing on as they look down upon you for what they seem to think you are doing wrong.  Every cell and pore of the body is fuming to feed the attack by reaching for a larger podium of your own, but in reaching for that larger podium it only initiates a Domino effect of each person standing taller and taller until both participants are so high up in the clouds all shred of reason, decency, and logic is lost and forgotten.

To not react in such a circumstance fills the body with an initial feeling a defeat.  By not saying anything the attacker seems to have won the battle and it is the worst feeling to think the conversation ends with them having the last word.  In my own personal experience I initially feel the blood rush to my face and my lips begin to quiver.  My entire body grows hot and flushed as if the blood in my veins have begun to boil.  Hate rushes to the surface, a mass amount of potential energy ready to be unleashed at my command.  Yet right below this surface of hate exists a potential energy of a different kind.  An energy which consists of love, peace, and forgiveness.  I fight with all my might to not give into the hate and at that moment it seems to be the worst decision I could possibly make.  But as I give into the silence I realize it is not a cowardly act, but a courageous and noble one, for shortly after the residue of hate which clings to my skin turns into a mist and evaporates, leaving me with a feeling of peace as if a huge burden has just been lifted off of my shoulders. 

To be silent and to forgive is too often seen as giving in or failing to stand up for oneself, but what does any of us have to prove to anyone else?  Why do we feel there so much power in justifying oneself and proving someone else wrong?  The power felt is especially strong when that one person who knows just how to pull our strings is cast down and beaten at their own game.  The game has a central point to it, a point which would only enjoy the Devil, if the Devil exists.  The central point being “How can I hurt this person and make them feel rotten?”

It seems absolutely ludicrous to join in on such a game yet it also seems resistance to it is one of the hardest things to ever accomplish.  When it is however, what remains is a peaceful state of surrender resulting from the overcoming of a powerful force which does not emanate for who you truly are.  To get technical, to defend oneself is to identify with the ego or a false identity, which when defended only increases its power and diminishes the light of the soul.  I’d much rather let my soul shine.

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10 Responses to Looking up in Peace

  1. Patricia says:

    I think you shine a lot. You are very wise. I am constantly not only amazed at how well you put things into words but also your insight in philosophy. I think you are right about people thinking that i\’ve backed down or been taken advantage of sometimes, but the truth is that your take on this sticks with me. I never set out on a conversation competition to "win" or "lose" – it wasn\’t ever what motivated me. Sometimes I feel that if that person needs so badly to be right – then let them get the last word…ironically sometimes it opens the other person up…they start to think about what they are on their high horse about. The arguments that I have "won" never felt like a victory really particularily if it was said in anger. Empty victory and normally regretted.
    Funny we do think of close subjects at the same time – what does "ttys" mean? I\’m bad at acronyms sorry.
     – patti

  2. Confessions says:

    Shine on!  You are an amazing soul and you express yourself so well!   🙂

  3. J says:

    An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."
    He continued, "The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too."
    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
    The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
     
     
    Past week was a rough one for me. I was too emotional,if only I wasn\’t emotional enough being plain me. I\’m much more a crying shoulder than a crying baby. . I\’m the one that applies the speech "everything is going to be alright, you will see". The one who is definitively not ashamed of making a completely fool of myself to make other people laugh. I think when you have this much self-confidence, optimism, silliness is hard to admit when you are shaken. I had anger, sorrow, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride. When you are sky high all the time, the downs are more intense. 
     
    Life is funny, it has its way to keep amazing me.
    Sometimes living brings you pain, it seems hard but there are many ways to relief pain, on Friday I\’ve decided to go out dancing. Life is short, times are hard, the road is long, with many a winding turn. Now, if you ask me where are the Two Wolves that Live Within me and every other person. The bad one is back asleep, the good one is too busy chasing it\’s own tail. There is a Peacock tho, that loves dancing, but CANNOT play basketball.
     
    See.. everyone has their own.
    Jana

  4. Confessions says:

    Hey Colin!
    Thanks for the comment!  You are right, nervousness is a bitch!  I have benign essential tremor so my hands shake and when I am nervous it is really bad.  It\’s not a big deal but sucks when you are trying to make a good impression on a first date.  LOL  I, too, am quite sure you are capable of finding a good attractive woman.  The most important things I have learned are self confidence.  There is nothing sexier than someone who is confident in themself.  Also, to always be yourself.  If you try to be what you think the other person wants it will never work and most importantly if the person doesn\’t like you for you, all of you, they usually aren\’t someone you want to know anyway.  😀

  5. Shannon says:

    Hey Colin,
    I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.  I feel that way about my father a lot of times…no hate towards him, but just that constant feeling of Im not living up to his standards or he doesnt agree with the choices I make.  But hell, Im 32…I think its time I need to get over worrying about what he thinks of me.  Why is that so hard to do?  I have yet to figure that one out.  I always feel I need to justify myself to him.  Why, I dont know.  I guess our parents just have that effect on us no matter how old we are.
    Take care and have a great week!

  6. Simply Me See says:

    Thank you for your post.  At 34 now, this is what I experience with my parents.  I still live close to them and they seem to invade on every aspect of my life.  However I know that they love me and only want what is best, they know how to get under my skin.  You have explained this feeling so very well!!  I truly enjoy you thought process.  I hope you have a blessed day!

  7. rennie582 says:

    I know exzactly how you feel , yes , that has happened to me. I have a family member that always makes me feel like that , and I do not care how long I try and fight not to open and run my mouth , I end up usuually saying things that I mean but wish I had kep them to myself!!
     
    Irene

  8. Me Mom says:

    Damn…..your posts have rendered me in awe….your soul is definitely wise and beyond its years….a soul that has lived before and is meant to teach others about themselves…your journey is great, but you will succeed at the end….Damn…….
    Cheryl

  9. k says:

    Dear Brother Colin:
     
    Love the truth of what you share.  Each new day provides us with an opportunity to learn and grow together.  Sometimes members of one\’s family aren\’t related by blood, but by the deeper connection of the heart.  It feels like family here.
     
    Thanks so much for shining your Light,
     
    Sister Cat

  10. Stanley says:

    Traveling at the speed of light you could pass the moon in a matter of seconds and reach the sun in about 8 minutes. To reach the nearest star you would need to travel another 4.3 years! That is 4.3 years traveling at about 186,000 miles per second.
     
    Does the vastness of the cosmos give you pause? What is Earth all about. What does it mean that life exists here? Why are we here?  What might be going on in that group of three Stars 4.3 light years away?
     
    Whatever the answers are we will likely never know. One thing I do know is that if a higher being created the universe and everything  in it… that being will in no way resemble the GOD(s) we have created for ourselves. Faith deserves plausibility.

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