Stepping over the Edge

I’m feeling excited at the moment.  Excited because over the past week or so I’ve made the decision to step over the edge of this cliff I have been standing over and go for the current opportunities that are out there.  Despite everything I’ve done since my injury and all activities which I boldly pursued despite anxiety and nervousness, I still get the feeling that I have been sitting around and waiting for something magnificent to happen to me.  Not wanting to accept a future with me in my current physical condition I have focused my attention mostly on rehabilitation while picking and poking at various other aspects of life.  I have no regrets about how I have spent my time since the breaking of my neck.  All of my actions have been done either because I had to do it or it was the appropriate timing for myself.  I put my hope in a natural recovery, did everything I thought was necessary to enhance those chances while also dealing with my own personal hardships of living at home, completely dependent on my parents.

Everyone in this situation deals with what has been handed to them differently.  Some people immediately accept their current condition, get back in school and reach for the limits of what can be done in whatever current state they may be in.  Others refuse to accept that they were meant to live life at their initial level of injury and spend years fighting to gain physical recovery.  I believe whatever direction people choose is fine as long as they’re moving in some sort of direction and are continuing to grow as a human being and as a soul.  The past year and a half or so I’ve focused primarily on physical recovery because I believe I am meant to make gains in that aspect of my life.  Some of these gains have already been apparent.  While this has been my focus, I also tried to find somewhat of balance by incorporating other things into my life so that I do continue to grow.  During my time so far as a spinal cord injury I have grown a great deal and have learned a tremendous amount about myself and the universe, things which I would have never known if not for tragedy, hence the above title.  Therefore since I have grown as an individual I can confidently say that I have not been in a rut in life but have made appropriate decisions.

Now as I approach the two-year anniversary of my injury I am beginning to feel the weight of decision upon me.  A decision which shall embark me toward a new direction in life.  I feel this weight because more and more as time passes I’m getting tired of waiting around for God to touch my body with the healing light or waiting for the breakthrough announcement that a cure for spinal cord injury has been found.  I think many people with a spinal cord injury reach this point, where they must either accept and move on, or if they are lucky enough to have the opportunity, take further steps to harness the potential for healing.  I’m sure many of you can guess my decision, which is to exit the waiting room and grab hold of the potential for healing which exists out there in the world.  I’m fortunate enough to have the loving support of my family who believes in my potential, as well as the ability to raise the funding necessary to seize the opportunities which exist.  Many people are not lucky enough to have either of these.

I’m not sure if any of this make sense but I am basically trying to say that starting now I am going to seek out all possibilities which may enhance my physical recovery which in turn will once again make me an independent individual.  As long as I feel this decision is continuing to allow me to grow and expand at the level of my soul than it is appropriate.  If at any point I feel as if I’m treading water and not drifting with the current, then another decision will have to be made.

Right now the two major opportunities which have been on my mind most as of late is project walk and a surgery which I have mentioned before that takes place in Portugal.  The surgery is not a cure but it seems to have initiated some major progress in quadriplegics, is completely safe, and is supported by both the Rehabilitation Institute of Michigan and the Shepherd Center in Atlanta.  Of course all of this is very up in the air as of right now.  I have yet to be accepted for Project Walk or the surgery.  Over the past week I have been doing a lot of research and this next week will continue the application process for Project Walk and begin the process in applying for the Portugal surgery.  I have not made a decision to get the surgery nor do I know if I am an appropriate candidate, but there is no harm in starting the process.  Below is some links if you would like to read up on the things I have mentioned.

            -Explains the Portugal surgery.

            -Young man who recently had the surgery.

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5 Responses to Stepping over the Edge

  1. Patricia says:

    I have yet to read up on all the links here – (though I have seen project walks website, which as I have metioned before looks to be a wonderful place!). For as long as I have known you you have so steadily and strongly been growing and learning in all sorts of ways. It has been an inspriation to watch your quest for knowledge, your hard work and a beauty that comes from a real wellspring of an amazing soul. As I have said before I have learned so much from you  – you took me to travel on my own path that led to my own growth and that is pretty incredible from an online blog. Your words have always rung and resonated and inspire growth. Be proud – really – you are an incredible person. You have gifts that are the most important in the world. i\’m sorry about you injury – I do believe that you are going to have fabulous results with what you choose to do next. I don\’t forget about your injury – I care too much to forget, but you have so much going for you that have nothing to do with your injury. I\’m sure you know this. In meeting you – I always hope for what you hope as far as your dreams and I believe in them. But Colin, I do wish more people had such an amazing sense as you do – You are special in a magnificent spritually attuned way. i wish you didn\’t have to go through all this – but remember always how incredible you are. Honestly ya shine! Best of luck with your decisions. Dream big, be well, patti

  2. J says:

    I think it is the second time that some random click brings me here, and again I can\’t just leave like I\’ve been – lurking – around.
    I like the way you write, how honest/ smartass you are, I also like the fact you have a funny big nose making your face look adorable.
    "I still get the feeling that I have been sitting around and waiting for something magnificent to happen to me."
    You don\’t need to have a physical injury to feel that way, Colin. I\’m healthy, I feel the love around me, friends that I care about that care about me, I am aware of the risk of souding the most shallow or/and spoiled girl ever, but I still think this is not *it*. It feels like I am on the verge of something, on a reharsal or a prelude of something else. Maybe I am just too oldfashioned and I believe in the value of things, I hate souding naive but I do think if you are really good at heart, goo things will happen to you. My heart is so damn promicuous that and I fall in love several times a day, for people, moments, words, scenes, songs, … and altho it is easily breakeble I keep doing it because I think love is the most powerful thing in the world.
    So, go there Collin go to Portugal, and I hope you can run after your dreams and goals.
    I wish you all the luck in the world.
    P.S: The portuguese word for "luck" is "sorte", I can also teach you how to say "you girls look delicious" in case you wanna hit someplace after your successful recovering. Afterall, portuguse is my mothertongue.

  3. Patricia says:

    hey there just checking in to see how things are going. How are ya? How is the decision making? Is the weather gorgeous or what??? Makes me so happy!! ttys – patti

  4. Shannon says:

    Best of luck to you!  I was reading up on the guy who had the surgery in Portugal, and it sounds very promising.  You just have to go for it.  And whats the worst that could happen?  You make some progress?  Sounds like a good option to me!  You are truly taking your opportunities by the reigns and that can only mean good things! I know you mentioned before that your family was not in favor of the surgery because they wanted your healing to occur naturally, so have they changed their minds, or are you not concerned with what they think?
    Anyway, keep us posted!  Im anxious to hear what happens!
    Take care!

  5. Vicky says:

    Just a little note to say hello!

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