Keeping on

Unfortunately, there is no incredible news of recovery to report at this point. Things continue to go smoothly and I am of course working very hard during my Project Walk exercise sessions. My legs feel incredibly alive but it has yet to be visible with the naked eye. I feel as if at any moment the energy is going to explode through my cells and a sudden increase of movement will occur, astonishing all who see it. I have felt that way pretty much sense by injury. It has always been apparent that I have an incredible amount of potential and it has been confusing why this potential has not manifested. This potential seems to be building more than ever and I cannot see how anything can stop it. I’m sure it will happen when I least expect it.

I recently have been getting caught up in trying to figure out my future. Trying to decide where it is I’m supposed to be in life at this point and what directions I should be taking. It was beginning to get rather frustrating and than I finally realized that my distress was of no use as usual. There is still no need for me to know what steps my family and I need to take. The only thing which is necessary is the step I am at right now, which is attending Project Walk and working hard toward physical recovery. I have four more weeks here in San Diego. During that time I’m going to try to focus completely on the task at hand, which is healing through all which is at my disposal. The time will come when decisions must be made but that time is not now. It’s necessary to do our research and look at all options so that we can be prepared to make educated choices down the line, but until then it is one step at a time.

This past Friday Project Walk hosted the annual 2006 Steps to Recovery. The fundraiser’s main purpose was to raise awareness to the public about the impact Project Walk and possibly other rehab centers can have on the lives of people suffering from spinal cord injuries. The event did this by letting people see with their own two eyes what can happen when people with spinal cord injuries don’t give up hope and continue to work hard towards a goal of recovery through intense exercise. Over a period of two hours there were three separate events where paralyzed victims who have regained the ability to take steps walked as people looked on with tears in their eyes and admiration in their hearts. The look of focus and determination on their faces made it clearly evident how hard these people worked and continue to work simply to put one foot in front of the other. In the past seeing such a thing would mostly make me jealous, wondering "why not me?" But now it brings me hope, knowing that recovery is possible for anyone and at anytime. I’ve never truly believed it until now.

My mom flew in last weekend and will be with us on our adventures until we once again arrive in Charlotte in December. She has been a big help to my dad so that he has been able to focus more on work recently. It’s also important that she take part in all these experiences so that she too can open her eyes to the possibilities. The new dynamic has required a slight adjustment period now that there are three bodies of energy trying to find harmony within a small hotel room. Every once in awhile I feel the walls closing in on me, finding that there is nowhere to escape, no cave to hide in. When this happens I try and simply remind myself of why it is I am here. I can say for sure it is a learning experience for both me and my parents. Discovering more so every day how to understand each other, put aside differences and get along. For me it’s all about accepting them for who they are and stop trying to change them. It’s not always easy but that’s the general idea.

Thank you to everyone who has so generously donated to my recovery fund. My family and I will personally thank each of you at some point. The donations you are giving are beyond a doubt improving my quality-of-life because I am reaching for my dreams and simply the act of reaching brings me joy. With each day I reach, whether I know it or not my dreams are closer than the day before. I cannot say exactly where all this is going to take me but I can say that wherever I end up will be a better place than if I had just sat back and said "what if?"

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4 Responses to Keeping on

  1. Lessie says:

    "I am reaching for my dreams and simply the act of reaching brings me joy."
    Awesome! Thanks for the update. So glad you are letting yourself live in the moment. Something for me to learn! 🙂

  2. BP says:

    Continue to work hard and maintain that positive attitude which seems to be omnipresent and you will be up to achieve all that your potential has to offer. It seems your epiphany that you need to concentrate on what you are doing right now is most likely the appropriate approach. See what you can regain and then look at where your future may be leading you.
    In my humble opinion, even if you do not get any more return, you have so much more to offer than many able-bodied people that your horizons are limitless. Whatever you do, don\’t let this disability damping your prospects.

  3. Michelle says:

    I find it amazing to read your posts, always.  I am so impressed with your emotional growth and strength.  Your openness to the possibilities and your willingness to put forth time and effort are awesome.  So many people in challenging situations choose to throw up their hands and give in because it is easier.  I admire your fortitude and I draw strength and inspiration from you every time I come by and visit.  Thank you!

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