I’m afraid recently I have not been able to follow some of the simple spiritual practices I’ve come to know. Such as living in the moment, recognizing the divine spirit in myself and others, and having faith that I am co-creating a life with God leaving no room for fear. When I first moved down to Atlanta it was a fresh new experience every day opening doors which I’ve yet to travel. Now it seems that I’m getting much more comfortable in my situation, things have become rather routine and it has led to a displaced feeling.
Several months ago I felt that true recovery was beginning. Week by week I was noticing changes in my overall strength and of course this was exciting. I was seeing things happening that I had never experienced since my injury. Each week I continue to see changes, however I have now gotten used to this gradual increase of improvement and unfortunately I have become frustrated with the pace. I find myself asking similar questions which I asked during the first year of my injury. "When is my improvement going to speed up?" I ask. "When will I have independence?"
Now that I’ve gotten used to the routine of therapy, I’ve begun to look at my life as a whole and I’m noticing the gaps where desires do not exist. Recently desire to have an exciting social life has been in the forefront of my mind. Atlanta has proven to be a better place such far for me to get out and do things but it lacks the independence I seek. I know that quality time with the family is a good thing but I’m about ready to break free and feel like more of my own person again.
I know that the physical improvement which is on its way will dramatically change my life and make many of my issues disappear or easier to deal with. But I do wonder if there is more which I should be doing in the meantime to improve my quality-of-life. I pretty much just want to have fun again. I find a lot of peace in reading, prayer and meditation but sadly the moments where I am forgetting about life and simply laughing, and having a good old time are few and far in between. I probably have more fun than I realize as my current frame of mind is making me focus on certain aspects of my life.
Most of my issues boil down to not living in the moment. Accepting what I can’t change, changing what I can, and living right here and now. Going out and doing what I can, realizing the divine spirit within myself and finding peace in the realization of the spirits around me. Making choices knowing that I contain free will to make right and wrong decisions, but having faith in the knowledge that God always makes things work out in the end. I may go through rough patches because of decisions I make, but these are only part of the growing process as the events unfold into the divine plan which God has set out for me. I want to get back to co-creating my life with God, grabbing ahold of my future without fear as I know the divine presence is there guiding me and rewarding me for pressing forward in faith.
Despite these frustrations I have mentioned, I’m actually living more of a spiritual life that I ever have. Every morning I spend at least 30 minutes meditating as well as every night before I go to sleep. I also find myself meditating and searching for answers throughout the day, trying to find peace and God in every situation. Yes, I have become used to the routine, but at least it is a routine which has me getting up in the morning and doing something with my life. The main difference between my frustrations now and my frustrations at the beginning of my injury, are that now I have a plan to succeed in my life. The light at the end of the tunnel has steps in-between and step-by-step I am making my way towards the destination. I will continue to achieve great things. The timing may not be exactly as I plan or forsee, but magnificence accomplishments are on the horizon. Stay tuned.