Energy at Work

It is only been two weeks since I saw Francis last yet I already feel the healing energy shifting and attempting to make major changes. I feel like my trunk and shoulder muscles are finally beginning to connect with one another. When I pull down my shoulder blade I can actually feel the muscles connecting through my mid back, down into the lower parts, and into the glute muscles. It is not quite as obvious but I also feel this connection between my chest muscles, abdominals, and my hip flexors.

There is a crossing pattern which Sue Leger, at CenterIMT, is always impressing upon me as very important. It is basically the pattern of walking which most of us use on a daily basis without even realizing it. It is also used in all the movements which one makes throughout the day. Muscles are never used in isolation and are always involved in a pattern of muscular movements which have been stored within the spinal cord and brought to life through the miracle of consciousness with practically no effort at all. When I practice this pattern I pull my right shoulder blade down and then tighten my left glute. I then pull my left shoulder blade down and tighten my right glute. I do the same in the front, tightening my right chest muscle and pulling my left knee up. Tightening my left chest muscle and pulling my right knee up.

When I imagine my ideal recovery I usually picture muscles suddenly coming back to life with 100% strength. I’d wake up in the morning and suddenly I would have my chest muscles, or my rhomboids or my lats would kick in. This has not been the case however, and when I feel recovery occurring it seems to be spread out over my entire body, increasing the strength of patterned movements. This does not result in sudden functional movement but I feel a stronger connection to all parts of my body. I believe that this type of recovery I’m experiencing provides great hope for the future, because it ensures that my healing is not going to involve some muscles here and there coming back to life, but a restoration of all body systems, returning me to a normal state of human functioning.

I of course do not need to get overly analytical concerning exactly how my recovery is going to occur. I know what’s going to happen so therefore I should simply focus on the changes that are happening now and have gratitude for the changes. I have very high excitations for my future recovery and so sometimes I forget to be thankful for all the little changes along the way. There is no doubt that over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen increased strength in my upper body and trunk muscles. In sitting I am beginning to be able to support myself with one hand while doing various movements with the other. I’m also starting to work on actually moving my body around with my arms on a flat surface. The potential for doing this can definitely be seen although I have not accomplished the feat as of yet.

As a big fan of Buddhism I stray from the ideals when speaking of my recovery. According to Buddhism one should live in the moment and realize that the future cannot be known for certain. I’ve struggled with this in the past because I believe that many times you must know something is going to occur in order to create it. Yet I also know that the future is greatly unknown and trying to pick how future events are going to occur can lead to much suffering. Through my experiences I’ve come to realize that there are future experiences which we can have faith will occur but it is not up to us to pick and choose what to have faith in and what not. Faith is something that you must seek out and find, and suddenly you’ll find faith finds you. Then something that was once so hard to believe in, becomes quite easy.

It was once very hard for me to believe that I was going to recover. But with courage and determination I stepped out of my front door and began to search for the possibilities. Over time as my search continued a tiny seed of faith within began to grow and flourish. Through my search and dedication I found the faith which I had been looking for. It’s quite possible that I could have found faith in something completely different than my recovery but God has blessed me with the path which I was seeking along.

We are meant to create certain events of our future and we are meant to know that certain things will occur. However, I do not think it is always up to us to choose what we are meant to create. The beginning of faith may be a faith in the endless possibilities igniting a search for what it is possible. Then by searching, we find what we are meant to have faith in.

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2 Responses to Energy at Work

  1. Beth says:

    Your deep faith in God and in yourself will see you through.

  2. Patricia says:

    Hi Colin! I have this favorite passage in a book by Rainer Marie Rilke, "Letters to a Young Poet" – it hangs on my mirror – helping me to keep faith and also reminding me of patience – He writes to a young correspondant, "Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foriegn tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which can not be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along into the answer." I don\’t know exactly why I share this with you I got confused a bit at the end of your entry so it may not be fitting – but I just sort of love the quote so I am sharing it. And I think faith is a part of our hearts and souls. It is always there to give us strength and courage when we turn to it and even when we don\’t turn to it, it still is at work in miraculous ways. I do get that it is hard about faith and also creating future. I get the cunundrum – but the way I look at it is as two existing things. I think or believe that we do get to create certain parts of our lives – each week I love to write a list of goals just to keep myself motivated. They are simple and sometimes small things and other times they are bigger – But I learn what is in my control and what is not and when it is not in my control that is when I feel the faith in my heart grow stronger that I will live one day into the answers and goals while still loving today.
    I am so glad to hear about your muscles!! Yipppeee! That is so awesome. Thinking of you and as always wishing you the best, I hope you are celebrating your new muscle development – I find muscle memory so very interesting. As well as the brain\’s capacity to learn to reconnect or redevelop synapses to create muscle memory and coordination particularily of core muscles and memory and balance. When I was young and a figure skater I used to imagine this very centered part in the middle of my being – mentally, spiritually and physically – I found it helpful to use images like that to work on all those muslces working together. So happy for you. My best, Patti 

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