It is only been two weeks since I saw Francis last yet I already feel the healing energy shifting and attempting to make major changes. I feel like my trunk and shoulder muscles are finally beginning to connect with one another. When I pull down my shoulder blade I can actually feel the muscles connecting through my mid back, down into the lower parts, and into the glute muscles. It is not quite as obvious but I also feel this connection between my chest muscles, abdominals, and my hip flexors.
There is a crossing pattern which Sue Leger, at CenterIMT, is always impressing upon me as very important. It is basically the pattern of walking which most of us use on a daily basis without even realizing it. It is also used in all the movements which one makes throughout the day. Muscles are never used in isolation and are always involved in a pattern of muscular movements which have been stored within the spinal cord and brought to life through the miracle of consciousness with practically no effort at all. When I practice this pattern I pull my right shoulder blade down and then tighten my left glute. I then pull my left shoulder blade down and tighten my right glute. I do the same in the front, tightening my right chest muscle and pulling my left knee up. Tightening my left chest muscle and pulling my right knee up.
When I imagine my ideal recovery I usually picture muscles suddenly coming back to life with 100% strength. I’d wake up in the morning and suddenly I would have my chest muscles, or my rhomboids or my lats would kick in. This has not been the case however, and when I feel recovery occurring it seems to be spread out over my entire body, increasing the strength of patterned movements. This does not result in sudden functional movement but I feel a stronger connection to all parts of my body. I believe that this type of recovery I’m experiencing provides great hope for the future, because it ensures that my healing is not going to involve some muscles here and there coming back to life, but a restoration of all body systems, returning me to a normal state of human functioning.
I of course do not need to get overly analytical concerning exactly how my recovery is going to occur. I know what’s going to happen so therefore I should simply focus on the changes that are happening now and have gratitude for the changes. I have very high excitations for my future recovery and so sometimes I forget to be thankful for all the little changes along the way. There is no doubt that over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen increased strength in my upper body and trunk muscles. In sitting I am beginning to be able to support myself with one hand while doing various movements with the other. I’m also starting to work on actually moving my body around with my arms on a flat surface. The potential for doing this can definitely be seen although I have not accomplished the feat as of yet.
As a big fan of Buddhism I stray from the ideals when speaking of my recovery. According to Buddhism one should live in the moment and realize that the future cannot be known for certain. I’ve struggled with this in the past because I believe that many times you must know something is going to occur in order to create it. Yet I also know that the future is greatly unknown and trying to pick how future events are going to occur can lead to much suffering. Through my experiences I’ve come to realize that there are future experiences which we can have faith will occur but it is not up to us to pick and choose what to have faith in and what not. Faith is something that you must seek out and find, and suddenly you’ll find faith finds you. Then something that was once so hard to believe in, becomes quite easy.
It was once very hard for me to believe that I was going to recover. But with courage and determination I stepped out of my front door and began to search for the possibilities. Over time as my search continued a tiny seed of faith within began to grow and flourish. Through my search and dedication I found the faith which I had been looking for. It’s quite possible that I could have found faith in something completely different than my recovery but God has blessed me with the path which I was seeking along.
We are meant to create certain events of our future and we are meant to know that certain things will occur. However, I do not think it is always up to us to choose what we are meant to create. The beginning of faith may be a faith in the endless possibilities igniting a search for what it is possible. Then by searching, we find what we are meant to have faith in.