Once again I sit here, and patiently wait for what I feel taking place inside my body to come to fruition. To manifest in glorious splendor, and find myself moving in ways that I have only dreamed of over the past four years. A week ago I arrived back in Atlanta after a two-week stay in Austin, Texas visiting Francis the healer each day during the week. Once again I was blown away by the powerful healing energy that coursed through my veins day by day. Once again I was awestruck by the feeling of divine peace coming down in blankets of warm radiance over my head and into my heart.
This time felt different, as if I had reached a steppingstone and some sort of divine decision had been made. After several days I could feel the weight of the energy pressing down on me and absorbing into my aura. Knowing that I would be getting much more healing than usual I did my best to rest and absorb all I could before the next day of healing. Simply speaking, it was very intense.
Since arriving home my head has been feeling stuffy and I seem to be floating around as if in a daze. It feels like my head has been surrounded by clouds and I’m not quite able to grasp reality, yet the days are passing by and I am interacting with 100% normalcy. I have been working out as best I can, and I’m feeling an improvement in strength but I feel as if I grow tired quickly and lethargy hits me quite often.
I have been growing quite antsy lately as a surge of energy flows through me and all of my thought processes tell me that recovery is occurring and great gains are on the horizon. Yet I hesitate to allow myself to fester in the excitement because I do not want to get caught up in expectations. When it comes down to it, no matter what I feel inside of me, I cannot know how or when the healing which I can feel occuring, will actually manifests into visible gains of improvement. Unfortunately, I not only question myself concerning how and when, but sometimes, every once in a while, the question of "if" appears.
Rarely do I think in the terms of "if" my recovery will occur and even more rarely do I actually speak in such terms. It is very hard for me to imagine myself not recovering at this moment. I ask myself how could such powerful feelings and awareness of sensations flowing through my body, be leading my faith in the wrong direction? It just does not seem possible that all I am observing happening inside of me, will not one-day manifest into the recovery I dream of.
Patience, I continue to practice. The virtue which I have been practicing day after day since my injury, once again falls into the lesson plan of my life. Since my injury I have always felt like there have been many lessons which I am meant to learn before I am blessed by God with the miracle of walking again. It became very clear to me once I realized that instantaneous recovery was not going to occur. It was hard for me to see and realize that there were many things I needed to face before I could walk again. I saw these demons circling around me and I could barely look at them let alone stand against them and diminish what they represented in my life. As time has passed by the vanishing of these demons has almost seemed like a naturally flowing process, something that was meant to occur as I make my way towards the destiny of walking again.
This vision is clear in my mind and I can see it in my future, but as of right now I continue to have faith and do my best to patiently live my life as the divine plan continues to manifest. Once again, I will lay in bed tonight and shut my eyes and feel the buzzing of electric healing energy lighting up my insides like a brilliant fireworks display. I will probably grow antsy, maybe slightly frustrated, maybe very frustrated, but in the end I know that God’s will shall manifest, and if it is anything other than me walking again, I will be very surprised.