Do nice guys finish last?

I’m a nice guy, always been one, but throughout my life I’ve always wondered if there was any truth to the saying that “nice guys finish last”. I hesitate to pour my heart out on this one, because it is kind of an embarrassing subject, but I will give it a go. In high school, I was pretty much terrified of girls. Even if I knew a girl liked me, and I liked her back, I would pretty much not do anything about it until the whole situation blew over. Then I would beat up on myself and to God, for nothing happening, even though it was completely my fault. In college I grew slightly braver and slightly handsomer, but found myself to be very picky when it came to girls. If I was not completely head over heels in love with her, than I wouldn’t really bother. If I was head over heels in love, it was so terrifying and horrific of an experience I felt like I couldn’t handle it.

It seems that this horrific experience is actually what we are all looking for. Those of us who are single anyways. To find someone who completely horrifies us to the point where the anticipation of being in their presence is so overwhelming, we feel as if we might pass out. Where not being with this person aches inside and no experience can fill the void of being with them. To find a love where their absence hurts so much, that when you actually get to be with them the skies open up and the adrenaline filled feeling of joy cannot be explained. To hold them in your arms and feel your heart racing and blood rushing to every inch of your body. Staying up till the wee hours of the morning, sharing your life, pouring out your heart, while looking into the eyes of something infinite and unexplainable.

The vision sounds so intense and wonderful at the same time. Yet how often does an experience such as this come along in a lifetime? Maybe once, maybe twice, maybe never. I find myself so engrossed with the idea of this kind of love, but maybe I am off the mark, and not quite getting what it means to be single and dating. Maybe I’m not such a nice guy after all. Maybe I am actually judgemental, pushing aside all other options because I want the perfect girl.

I’m sure there has been tons of research and books written on the subject of how to get women. I grow quite sick of trying to figure it out and I would like to believe that the old adage of “just be yourself” really works. I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t find myself to be the typical guy. I am sorry to say, but I am very in touch with my emotions, I’m sensitive, I enjoy talking about feelings, and yes I actually enjoy listening. But do women really want these attributes in a man? Do I need to hide how nice a person I am? Would women possibly rather have a man who is more of a challenge?

I have to admit, even I enjoy a challenge. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I don’t date much, because I always go after women who in all likelihood I won’t be able to attain? So maybe I should develop the same persona. The mysterious guy who women can’t quite figure out. The guy who could be nice, or maybe not. The guy who is confident and handsome, and has the potential to be everything a girl ever wanted, yet could have a dark side.

I actually laugh at myself when I picture trying to develop this persona of a dark, mysterious guy because I really don’t see myself that way at all. When it comes down to it, I am probably a lot better off than I think I am when it comes to my ability to attract and establish relationships with women. As usual I like to give myself a hard time and think of myself as less worthy than I actually am. The main reason I don’t get women more often is that I simply don’t get out there enough. It wouldn’t hurt to also use my brains a little bit more and think about how I am portraying myself. I probably tend to hide behind the nice guy act too much simply because I’m afraid of actually succeeding and getting that blissful moment of love that I dream of. Instead of being the confident, sexy, and handsome guy that I am, I put on this “let’s just be friends and talk about our feelings” act. Every once in a while I should push that aside and say, “You know what, I’m going to hold you in my arms and kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before”. Sounds like a lot more fun than, “let’s talk about our feelings”. Maybe I’m more of a manly man than I thought.

 

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11 Responses to Do nice guys finish last?

  1. Beth says:

    This was a very interesting post Colin.  Not your usual type of post.
    My husband was a very nice guy.  I had the once in a lifetime love that you are talking about.  It lasted over 50 years until his death.  You will know when the right girl comes along and she will be very glad that you are a \’nice\’ guy!

  2. Neora Chana says:

    Hi, Colin,
     
    I enjoyed the post also.  You know, when we are younger, we look for that high you talk about and can get so wrapped up in it, we can forget to look for the rest of the relationship.  That high is the \’falling in love part\’ mostly and is somewhat hardwired.  It can recur throughout a relationship, but it\’s a place you visit, not where you live.
     
    Speaking for myself, when I was in my 20\’s, I liked the borderline bad guys; not the hell\’s angels, but the guys who had what my mother called \’mustang eyes\’; Elvis, Dennis Quaid are two examples.  it was in my 30\’s that I saw the attraction of the nice guy and in my late 40\’s that I finally saw the sexiness of the geeks…….but most women understand this alot sooner than me.  I\’m somewhat of a slow bloomer.
     
    It\’s ok to be both the manly man and the nice guy and the combination can be pretty irresistable!

  3. Lucky says:

    Hi Colin … great post dude.  My only advice would be to be yourself.  How trite is that?  LOL.  But I am totally serious.  The real you will always surface.  The perfect girl for you will be one that you not only believe to be perfect, but whom also finds the perfection in you.  And trust me, true perfection is non-existent but is strangely enough never needed in the truest love.

  4. Robine says:

    What a great post – it reflects my thoughts and at the same time gives me frustration. I would so deserve a nice guy, why when I meet one I will run away and get the creeps because he is so \’nice\’ – what is the attraction with the ones who are hurtful?  I think there is a  big difference in what  I deserve/need and what I THINK I deserve (aka a bully). I am also a romantic and therefore believe with all my heart that when the ONE comes along he will be perfect in his imperfection, and I will be perfect for him in my imperfection :DGood luck from Holland 😀 Sabine

  5. Darren says:

    My man,
    That\’s a great post. Let me tell you, keep at it and keep trying and don\’t get discouraged. I\’ve somehow found the kind of love you\’re talking about so I can tell you it does exist believe it or not. Maybe I got lucky but I was just myself, all the way. I\’m thinkin about you buddy keep your head up I know it\’ll work out great for you.
     
    Darren

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