I’m a nice guy, always been one, but throughout my life I’ve always wondered if there was any truth to the saying that “nice guys finish last”. I hesitate to pour my heart out on this one, because it is kind of an embarrassing subject, but I will give it a go. In high school, I was pretty much terrified of girls. Even if I knew a girl liked me, and I liked her back, I would pretty much not do anything about it until the whole situation blew over. Then I would beat up on myself and to God, for nothing happening, even though it was completely my fault. In college I grew slightly braver and slightly handsomer, but found myself to be very picky when it came to girls. If I was not completely head over heels in love with her, than I wouldn’t really bother. If I was head over heels in love, it was so terrifying and horrific of an experience I felt like I couldn’t handle it.
It seems that this horrific experience is actually what we are all looking for. Those of us who are single anyways. To find someone who completely horrifies us to the point where the anticipation of being in their presence is so overwhelming, we feel as if we might pass out. Where not being with this person aches inside and no experience can fill the void of being with them. To find a love where their absence hurts so much, that when you actually get to be with them the skies open up and the adrenaline filled feeling of joy cannot be explained. To hold them in your arms and feel your heart racing and blood rushing to every inch of your body. Staying up till the wee hours of the morning, sharing your life, pouring out your heart, while looking into the eyes of something infinite and unexplainable.
The vision sounds so intense and wonderful at the same time. Yet how often does an experience such as this come along in a lifetime? Maybe once, maybe twice, maybe never. I find myself so engrossed with the idea of this kind of love, but maybe I am off the mark, and not quite getting what it means to be single and dating. Maybe I’m not such a nice guy after all. Maybe I am actually judgemental, pushing aside all other options because I want the perfect girl.
I’m sure there has been tons of research and books written on the subject of how to get women. I grow quite sick of trying to figure it out and I would like to believe that the old adage of “just be yourself” really works. I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t find myself to be the typical guy. I am sorry to say, but I am very in touch with my emotions, I’m sensitive, I enjoy talking about feelings, and yes I actually enjoy listening. But do women really want these attributes in a man? Do I need to hide how nice a person I am? Would women possibly rather have a man who is more of a challenge?
I have to admit, even I enjoy a challenge. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I don’t date much, because I always go after women who in all likelihood I won’t be able to attain? So maybe I should develop the same persona. The mysterious guy who women can’t quite figure out. The guy who could be nice, or maybe not. The guy who is confident and handsome, and has the potential to be everything a girl ever wanted, yet could have a dark side.
I actually laugh at myself when I picture trying to develop this persona of a dark, mysterious guy because I really don’t see myself that way at all. When it comes down to it, I am probably a lot better off than I think I am when it comes to my ability to attract and establish relationships with women. As usual I like to give myself a hard time and think of myself as less worthy than I actually am. The main reason I don’t get women more often is that I simply don’t get out there enough. It wouldn’t hurt to also use my brains a little bit more and think about how I am portraying myself. I probably tend to hide behind the nice guy act too much simply because I’m afraid of actually succeeding and getting that blissful moment of love that I dream of. Instead of being the confident, sexy, and handsome guy that I am, I put on this “let’s just be friends and talk about our feelings” act. Every once in a while I should push that aside and say, “You know what, I’m going to hold you in my arms and kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before”. Sounds like a lot more fun than, “let’s talk about our feelings”. Maybe I’m more of a manly man than I thought.