Writing and Recovering

I am sorry to say to my readers, but I’m not sure how much attention will be focused on my blog in the near future. I buckled down and finally committed to working on a book. I hate to even bring it up out of fear that I might go through another phase of ignoring this desire of mine. Maybe stating it here in the public forum of my blog might add more incentive to actually work on it.

For a long time I was continually thinking about how I would write the book and what exactly I would focus on. The task ahead of me seemed very daunting and so it always would be pushed to the wayside. I also could never quite figure out what I would focus on exactly. If I’m going to put all this effort into writing a book I would like to publish it one day. However, there are many aspects of my life that I’m not sure I want to print copies of and sell to the public. All these questions also made me constantly procrastinate.

Now I have decided that I’m just going to write. Whatever comes out of my mouth will go onto the screen and be saved on to my hard disk. Whatever God wishes me to create will be manifested and no fears will hold me back. The questions I mentioned above continue to arise, but I counter it with the reaction that I just need to keep going and worry about it later. Something tells me that this is something I’m supposed to do and therefore I’m going to do it.

It’s refreshing to have something else to focus on besides just therapy and working towards walking again. It has not been an easy task however. Reliving the past has been hard and many times after a long bout of writing, I feel very out of place and disconnected from the moment. I would really like to have some sort of author to be my mentor and guide me through these difficult questions of writing an autobiographical book. If anyone out there would like to give me some pointers feel free to. Or if you can point me in the right direction, I would be appreciative.

Not too long ago I got back from another trip to see Francis the healer in Austin, Texas. It was one of my more difficult trips. Several factors were at play. We had a hurricane to deal with, and we were staying at a new hotel so the familiarity factor was diminished. I also felt like the week of healing was very emotionally cleansing. Several emotions kept arising including anger, sadness, and anxiousness. Many times I felt trapped and out of control of the situation.

On our way home I came down with a urinary infection, the first obvious one in a long time. This coincided with my dad coming down with a cold. When we got home, my sister just had a baby(yeh!), so my mom promptly left to go see her. Once again my dad and I were alone, as we fended off illness. Within a few days I was able to kick my urinary infection. As my dad got over this cold, I began to come down with it as well. I began to do the remedy of Zicam religiously. If you have not tried this stuff, it is a must. It zapped all of my cold symptoms. No runny nose, no coughing. I was left with a headache however and felt very lethargic.

So for two weeks after our visit I felt under the weather. I’m finally beginning to come around but I’m still waiting to feel that huge burst of energy. I know that I am recovering and healing, but the job is very tiresome. Internally I feel like I am recovering tremendously, but the job my body is undergoing leaves me feeling very tired all the time. I feel like I constantly need to lay down and sleep. I’m accepting of this fact recently, because I realize I must listen to my body. Taking naps and resting is a perfect opportunity for my body to heal and recover. In my current state of physical capabilities, I am not meant to be on the go all day long.

I continue to wait for miraculous healing. It’s an unfortunate expectation that I cannot shake. There is no doubt that I’m making improvements and getting better. I’m slowly noticing that I’m capable of doing new things and my coordination is improving. It is unfortunate that people cannot see what I feel taking place in my body. I get frustrated at times wondering if I’m constantly going to feel things and never manifest what I feel happening inside of me. It is very hard for me to believe that I will not be walking again. The sensations I feel coursing through me are just too powerful.

For the most part I’m excited about the future as I push onwards. Fear does grip me every now and then, and I ask myself, "What the heck am I doing with my life!?" It then passes and I realize I know what I must do. I must walk again.

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5 Responses to Writing and Recovering

  1. Beth says:

    I think that you have a powerful story to tell.  My nephew who was born with cerebral palsy and cannot speak went on to graduate at the top of his class in law school at WV University in Morgantown WV.  He is a successful lawyer and has had two books published.  They are fiction, the second loosely based on a trip he made to China a couple of years ago.  Not my type of reading but I admire him greatly for what he has accomplished.
    Keep moving forward with your dreams and have faith that they will come to pass.

  2. Robine says:

    I think it is awesome that you will write your story. I believe it will be a part of your healing process.I understand that there are things you do not want to share, and things that you do not mind sharing – I would suggest: save it ALL on your harddrive – you can choose later what not to publish. It will be hard to relive things, but healing also. Keep in touch with the feeling, not only with the intelectual part where you can describe what you feel. You might notice that some things that you told often or what you have dealt with will be easier to describe than others (parts where you actually touch a open wound will hurt when you recall them).It helps by doing it in parts of 7 years, starting from birth to where you are now. I am not an expert in writing books, not even close. I am an Artistic Therapist in Holland and one of the ways of working is by doing biography\’s with clients. It can be so healing, amazing to see.When you have the feeling you have saved all you can tell, then go to the next fase: to choose what to publish and what to keep private. You might notice that some things you thought private at that point seem to important to be left out, and other things that seemed important are now trivial. But that will be later on in the process, much later on. You have time – it will be okay. You write beatiful blogs so I really believe there will be a beautiful book one day!Take good care! Thinking of you, love and light from Holland, Sabine

  3. Neora Chana says:

    I\’ll miss your blogs, but the thought of a book is exciting!  Do what you need; you\’ll be in touch with the people with whom it\’s meant to be.

  4. Jaslyn says:

    I\’ll buy your book, online of course, as I\’m in New Zealand ^_^

  5. Robine says:

    Just want to say: thinking of you! Take care! Hugs, 😀 x Sabine

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