Changes are officially taking place in my life. No people, I am not walking yet, but I am officially back in school and working towards my degree. I was at a point of frustration, where my life felt hazy and unclear. After working so hard and so long here in Atlanta for the recovery I seek. After faithfully traveling to Austin time and time again to up absorb the love radiating from Francis’s hands. I had a strong feeling that something in my life needed to change and yet was horribly afraid of what that decision might be. This appropriate fear led me to thinking about small changes which I might make instead of large ones, and slowly my thought process led me to the idea of online education.
Online education would provide me with the flexibility and convenience to continue down my track of recovery. Slightly cutting back on my therapy, I could study and gain knowledge, while also continuing to visit Francis the healer in Austin when my schedule permited. Continuing my education would also contribute to a healthy balance in my life, not always continually focused on a point in the future when my recovery would take off. Instead of constantly awaiting that moment just around the corner, I could create a future containing more than the effort to be physically and spiritually whole. Education would insert me back into the approval of society, placing me in the necessary role of the career path, helping me to feel I am beginning to fulfill my duty as a helpful member of society.
Not sure exactly of what my plans were, I jumped right into researching possible degrees I could get online. Biology was my subject of choice when I was previously in school and my current interests are very much focused on the physical body and exercise. I soon discovered that it was difficult to get this type of degree online and I began to seek other avenues. I began to research various online programs and discovered the people at Ashford University to be very helpful and on more faith than anything I chose to apply for the university. I chose Political Science as my major, although I was not quite sure, I simply knew that I needed to keep moving forward and have faith.
The first course I took was a Psychology course, "Adult Development and Life Assessment". It was a required course for those with a certain amount of credits. Its design is to help adults who have been away from the learning environment, get acclimated once again to learning. It was also geared towards analyzing and assessing your life, understanding where you’ve been and where you might be going. I enjoyed the class thoroughly, and suddenly one day a light bulb went off in my head, and I realized that Psychology was my new gig.
It did not take me long from this point to understand that a large majority of my experience and mental focus during my injury has been geared towards understanding the mind and how it operates. Spiritually and mentally I have dove into the unknown quest to understand my life, and how to achieve peace and joy. Daily I have been given the task to maintain understanding in the face of incredible adversity. I still do not know exactly where Psychology will lead me, but I can see myself developing a keen awareness of people and how I might be able to help them. Psychology will also allow me to simply be there for people, and not force any kind of judgment upon them, but just be present, listen, and understand.
Ashford University is an accelerated program, where I take one class at a time, each class lasting five weeks. After finishing my first class at the end of January, my father and I headed to Austin, Texas for a two week visit with Francis. For those who may not know, Francis is a spiritual energy healer who I have been visiting on a regular basis for two or three years now. As I always say upon my return, every visit seems to be a more intense and powerful experience. For some reason it is very hard for me to put into words what it is like to get this healing. It is something which is beyond my mental understanding, but this knowledge that something so grand is occurring creates a profound experience.
During this trip I maintained an intense focus. I sat in his office for hours at a time, meditating and absorbing the healing energy. I could literally feel heavenly powers healing my heart and body. Waves of energy traveled throughout my nervous system as I put forth all of my mental energy into awakening my muscles. Now that I’m back in Atlanta I have a fresh determination to take that healing energy and turn it into function. My main goal is to be able to lay flat on my stomach, bring my elbows in by my side, and then prop up onto my elbows. To achieve any function whatsoever, even something as simple as that, will have a tremendous impact on my overall belief and faith that I can continue to make small steps until I am standing and putting one foot in front of the other.
I’m combining the power of letting go with the power of intention, and stating that I will gain function within the next month. Somewhat straying from my typically Buddhist nature, I am demanding it upon myself that I achieve this goal. The healing energy which I felt coursing through my veins during my visit with Francis, is too powerful and too profound to not turn into functional improvement. The strong physical feelings inside my body and inside my heart, will not turn me away from the belief that I will achieve massive improvement in my physical body. I understand that no physical achievement will ever bring me true inner peace, or happiness, but I also understand that I’m not forcing my will upon God or reality. I am simply achieving what I am destined to achieve.
I have never wandered from my path for I understand that there really is no such thing as one certain way we must individually travel. We twist and wind our way through the forests of our lives, sometimes completely confused and blind to the light which shines within us. But never at any moment does the reason and the purpose of who we are leave us. At every moment and at every turn, we maintain our infinite Spirit and the love which is God never vanishes. It is interesting that the choice to further my education came so easily and when the time was right I stumbled upon a new focus in the direction of my path. We must all maintain faith, no matter where we find ourselves in life, that if we continue to march forward and search for the answers, life will always show us the way.