An Instrument of God

I recently got back from another trip to see Francis the healer. Somehow it seems that this recent trip was different than the rest, and something clicked inside of me. I feel the potential for powerful peace and since my arrival back in Atlanta I have had quite a few glimpses. It is not unusual for me to have a sense of peace after returning from Austin, but all too often the peace fades away leaving me with the same old demons I have been dealing with for so long.

I wonder could this be the time when happiness resonates within me on a deep level and I maintain an understanding of who I am? Or will it once again fade away forcing me to experience dissatisfaction? Many people would probably say, "Why even entertain the idea that it may leave?" The reason is because it’s just the way I am. I am very analytical and I cannot help but wonder. At the same time I believe it is healthy to understand that human beings are emotional creatures and highs and lows are quite commonplace. If I do end up falling once again and suffering on some level, I must be aware that this simply means I have more work to do. Having more work to do can be seen as a blessing and an opportunity to unveil more divinity within me.

Francis told me two profound statements about my recovery. He said that the energy is flowing down my spine and spreading outwards. This resonates strongly with what I have felt over the past couple of years, and I often tell people that I can feel the muscles along my spine getting stronger and coming back to life. Francis also told me that I was 70% there, and when I reach 100% I will walk again. This also resonates strongly with me as I constantly feel this powerful healing within me, and I struggle to break free as the feeling that I should be up and walking grows and grows until I feel I am about to burst!  I’m not sure that I will suddenly walk again, but I do believe a day will come when the bubble bursts and things will simply start coming back to life. Believing this takes a lot of faith, but as of right now believing it is not difficult. I understand that it is difficult for others to believe because they cannot experience what I have experienced and feel what I feel. This frustrates me at times, but it does help me to rely on myself for faith rather than the approval of others.

Francis is not only healing my body but he is also healing my mind and spirit. The past few days I have had a strong desire to overcome my fears, let go and let God and break out of my shell. I decided that I want to meet and talk with as many people as possible this summer. The past several days I have been getting in my power chair and driving down to the pool by myself and sitting in the sunshine. This may be hard to believe, but the two summers before this one I was terrified to do this. It seems so silly now, but it’s the truth. Being out on my own I have discovered how capable I am of meeting people and talking with others. I am discovering that I am capable of talking about a great deal of subjects and truly have the ability to connect with people. Breaking free and talking with strangers I believe will increase my confidence in my abilities to define myself in a career and move forward with the mindset that I am no longer a kid but a grown adult who has gifts and talents. I am excited about continuing in this direction.

I ask God to make me an instrument of love and healing. I wish to radiate God’s energy and bring forth opportunities and creation into my life. I’ve always known this is possible but I have expected complete success and felt responsible for my failures. I now realize and know that the journey is the destination and the down times are just as necessary and fulfilling as the high times. Surrendering does not mean joy will forever be present in your life. Surrendering is allowing the journey to take place and knowing that it is good.

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4 Responses to An Instrument of God

  1. Neora Chana says:

    Love this! I\’m glad you are finding the wherewithall to get out more and see more people!

  2. cynthia says:

    Beautiful and eloquent. Your faith is inspiring. The way in which you describe your journey so often mirrors my own in a way and I find comfort in this. I am glad toyou are becoming more independent, it is a hurdle indeed.

  3. Sam Gray says:

    I see comments about your writings and I am convinced that one of your greatest talents is the way you communicate here on your blog. Truly a gift from God. take care man……the power of tragedy would be a great book title !

  4. The Visitor says:

    Surrendering does not mean joy will forever be present in your life. Surrendering is allowing the journey to take place and knowing that it is good.

    Awesome realization.

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