Limbo

This past May, I moved to Austin, Texas with my parents.  In August, I graduated from college with a degree in psychology, and I turned 28 years old.   In short, this is the summary of my recent life.  After being so absent from my blog for so long, I suppose I should attempt to describe my current life in more detail, but for some reason I hesitate.  I apologize if the following seems somewhat incomplete.

Leaving Atlanta was hard, though it is something I have been planning for quite some time.  I had to tear myself away from old dreams, old desires, and look towards a future that might offer me opportunities to cast away karmic shackles and embrace a life of joy and peace.  While my newfound commitment to Francis has been a tremendous blessing and has granted me hope that recovery is just around the corner, I feel as if I am floating in the land of limbo.

After graduating from college, I felt proud for what I had achieved so I immediately gave myself permission to slack off and be a bit lazy.  Several months later I’m beginning to feel the consequences of shutting off my creativity, and replacing it with mundane and time-consuming activities has not helped.  Reawakening my blog seems like a good idea, as the expression should open my heart a bit and allow me to discover newfound potentials and passions.

I read over a few of my old blog entries, and it’s odd to remember a person that no longer exists.  Each and every day I become someone new.  The cells in my body die and new ones form.  My spirit swirls around like a kaleidoscope serving its purpose, experiencing this life, and bounces off the walls of reality unharmed and uninhibited.  Reading my previous writings from years back, I wonder how many steps towards spiritual awakening I have actually made.   Or maybe I’ve taken some steps backward.  Then I realize that of course, that the destination I seek does not exist, for there is no destination, only a journey, a journey which has no beginning and no end.

When I moved to Austin I knew that I was going to make a solid commitment to seeing Francis and healing.  Recently, I find myself frustrated, wanting more.   I find myself frightened, that the recovery I seek will not occur.   I can describe it over and over again how powerful the healings are with Francis, but until movement occurs, until I rise out of this chair and walk, my words are limited.  Francis is extremely confident that I will walk again one day.  He has seen it he tells me, and I believe in what he says.  There is no doubt that I take a great risk committing myself to the achievement of a miracle, but I do not regret believing in this miracle.  For believing in miracles is to believe in the unlimited potential of God.   God, the ultimate mystery, the infinite peaceful presence whom we are all driven to discover.

I do not currently know where my life is leading me.  At times the uncertainty swells in the pit of my stomach, but my heart does not waver.  It holds strong and true.  Unwilling and unable to accept defeat.

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7 Responses to Limbo

  1. Lisa Hurst says:

    Colin –
    I was surprised to see your post today, I thought maybe the blog had fallen by the wayside for good. I periodically wondered and imagined what it is you might be up to. Congrats on the graduation – a big accomplishment! And moving…well that’s hard anyway you slice it! Adjusting to a new place takes time.

    I love your writing. I especially loved your statement about feeling the consequences of shutting off your creativity. Your post today gave me pause. I can feel the limbo, and yet as I went back to the top of the post and read the words limbo, I imagined you in colorful beach garb doing the limbo under a broomstick – and despite your circumstances, this is how I think of you…one who embraces the notion that anything is possible. I don’t even know you, but this above anything else is what I take from your years of writing, which so clearly come from your heart. So…your heart serves you well – remember that when the uncertainty swells in the pit of your stomach!

  2. Colin says:

    Thanks Lisa. I do believe that anything is possible, and I realize that despite the times where I might feel hopeless or lost, deep down, my faith is strong. This faith reminds me that every moment has purpose, every experience is leading me somewhere, and that at any moment, miracles can occur.

    I enjoyed envisioning myself on the beach doing the limbo. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and sharing with me!

  3. john says:

    How much does Francis cost?

    • Colin says:

      It is donation based. He does not believe it is right to charge for healing as he is doing God’s work. But people are free to give if they wish.

  4. Kelly says:

    You’re so full of positivity and faith. Its such an admirable quality. 🙂 I like the new post

  5. Shannon says:

    Hi Colin!

    I think that no matter what stage we are at in our lives, we all enter periods of “limbo”. We wonder what is going to come next, or we wonder if this is as far as we will go. I have had many of those moments myself lately and I agree that it can be scary. I’m sure you will find the answers you are looking for in due time.
    I wish you the best in your new city as you discover what it has to offer in addition to the proximity to Francis. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

  6. The Visitor says:

    Congratulations (a wee bit late) on your graduation.

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