I’m becoming more and more convinced these days, that our thoughts and emotions have tremendous power. As we radiate how we think and feel out into the universe, it inevitably either works with us or against us. In the past this has often left me with a feeling of isolation, of heavy burden, and responsibilities. I tremble in fear at the thought that I am completely responsible, but it doesn’t need to be this way. Accepting that I am an infinite spirit of power, does not mean that I am doing this alone.
God, the universe, or the Universal subconscious mind, as Uel Anderson calls it, is sitting and waiting with open arms of love, to bring forth and create all that we desire. Accepting and connecting with our creative selves, is no more than accepting and connecting with who we truly are. Often we may find ourselves slipping, slipping into negativity, into doubt, into a lack of faith, and during these times we may grow anxious and fearful, fearful that we are attracting everything that we don’t desire. But one cannot pretend themselves beyond their evolution. Most of us did not come here to instantly manifest ourselves into everything that we are destined to become.
Ammachi says that “Peace is not a product of an intellectual exercise. It is an inner blossoming that occurs with meditation.” So often through the course of my journey, I have given myself headaches trying to figure out how it all works, how I am to find peace, and bring about the manifestation of my healing. Over and over again, I have hit roadblocks, brick walls, not allowing me to fully understand truth through intellect. Yet, as I continue to trudge along, fight the good fight, I do feel that my insides are blossoming. When I sit in front of Amma’s picture, I can feel energy swirling around my insides, and I feel inner work taking place. When struggle and conflict swells within me, an inner voice tells me, “Sit, breathe, know thyself.”
I dream that I may one day be an instrument of love and service. I dream of helping people eye to eye, face-to-face, playing a direct role in the upliftment of their lives, and spirit. I still feel that I am way too selfish a person to fully commit myself to this lifestyle, but every once in a while a feeling of love will overcome me, I connect with the spirits all around me, and I have an intense desire to help them somehow.
I realize if I am to become the man I dream of, I have to quit hiding in the shadows. One way that I have always hid, is by hiding my name, afraid that by displaying my name, somehow the demons and evils of the world will come out to get me, but no longer. I choose to see the universe as good, and therefore I will only attract good, and I will cast aside all else as error, as wavering from the path, my true nature.
My name is Colin Madhavaiya, and I envision a life of service, a life of fulfillment, joy and love. I am attracting a life of magical miracles, abundance, and prosperity. Why? Because I’m worthy of all these things. I am worthy of love.
As a small step towards embracing who I am, I created a twitter account. https://twitter.com/ColinMad Follow me if it’s your thing.