After years of working with Francis, I am becoming more and more amazed and inspired by how dedicated he is to healing others. He always says that God rewards effort, and he truly lives by this motto, doing everything he can to hone his craft, and increase his abilities so that he may serve God in the highest capacity possible. I have observed and experienced the effects of his effort over the years, as his healing abilities are constantly shifting and transforming, consistently rising in its vibration and intensity.
In early January, my father and I visited him in California and I could tell that there was a distinct difference in the healing. Up until that point, the healing energy always felt warm and comforting, but I was now experiencing an energy that shifted between warm and cold. It was a type of energy I had only heard about from Francis, but never experienced. It often left me shivering and uncomfortable, but the power I could feel emanating through these healings made the discomfort well worth it.
I did not get visible signs of recovery during this trip but it did ignite a profound confidence in me that significant strides were being made. Before heading back home, Francis notified us that he would be coming to Austin in about a month to do healing on me and all others who wished to receive. He felt that his energy would be even more powerful at that time. I went back home excited and ready to experience yet another new and improved Francis. I began going to the gym twice a week, per Francis’s instructions, and continued my spiritual practices and visualizations with as much intensity as I could muster.
When Francis arrived in Austin, he was confident like I have never seen him before. He has always been confident that I will walk again, but this time it seemed as if he strongly believed that the moment of celebration was imminent. As the days passed, the energy was building in intensity and I too began to feel like a miracle was near. At one point, cold icy energy flowed down my arms and into my hands as a whole new type of feeling cascaded down my spine and into my legs. At that moment Francis told me that a new energy had just started flowing through him, unlike anything he had ever felt. Then my abs began to tighten, as if my core was beginning to engage! My heart quickened in pace, and I found myself looking down at my foot, thinking surely I would see it moving in accordance to my demands. But not yet, the foot remained stubborn, the healing session ended, and the tightening sensation in my abs eventually dissipated.
In the coming days my mind began anticipating my recovery and was frantically trying to make sense of it all. It was like I was trying to prepare for every detail of the impending, monumental change which was about to occur. I was especially fixated on the book I have been working on, and all the editing that was still left to do. Logically it made no sense to me. The book would be finished whenever it was finished. No reason to stress. But my mind had no use for logic.
When the mind is acting in this manner, it is most likely trying to deal with some sort of negative emotion or feeling, and expressing that negativity through fixated thought patterns. By tapping into the underlying emotion, and observing it through spiritual awareness, the emotion is allowed to run its course and then naturally dissipate. Realizing this I began practicing the art of letting go, as taught by Dr. Hawkins. Through this process, the thought came to me that I was likely experiencing fear over my impending recovery and all the dramatic life changes that will go along with it. Believe it or not, the ego actually feels more safe and secure when surrounded by the protection of victimhood. As a victim, the ego has something to latch onto and identify with, giving the ego life and power. It is with spiritual awareness that we overcome tricks of the ego such as this, and diminish its negative hold over our lives and spiritual growth.
This is why we should always pay attention to every single moment of mental unease, pain, or discomfort, and recognize it as an opportunity to further deepen spiritual awareness, and remove yet another layer of negativity which is preventing the light of the inner being from shining forth. The process may feel difficult at first, but the results will leave a far greater sense of freedom and relief.
Before I knew it, it was the day before Francis’s departure, and I settled in for what we both hoped would be the miraculous healing we were anticipating. The healing energy poured into me, filling every nook and cranny with divine light. But instead of letting go and surrendering to the process, I found myself trying to embody whatever state of mind I was supposed to, in order to get up and walk. Surrendering, believing, stating my intention, directing my higher self to heal the body and anything else I could think of. One could say that I was trying to spiritually manipulate the situation. At the end of the session, Francis put his hand on my head, and in all seriousness, blessed me and told me to get up and walk. I tried, but nothing happened.
I went home very confused. Scared that maybe I was preventing it from happening. Perhaps I was not embodying the correct state of mind. Maybe I didn’t truly believe it was possible. When I got home, I sat in front of Amma’s picture, and began to meditate. It was then that an all pervading peace overcame me. The mind was still busily running through thoughts and fears, but yet I was blissful. It’s as if I was the spirit, observing the mind without judgment or guilt. I had no answers, no understanding, and it didn’t matter one bit. The answers would come. Then, the following morning, my mind had settled the matter…
I believe I will walk again. I believe that Amma has told me I will walk again. As my guru, I have surrendered my life to her, so the when, how, and where is completely up to her. All I can do is set my intentions to the best of my abilities, act to the best of my abilities, and then surrender those actions. I refuse to go through the rest of my life struggling. Setting time frames and forcing my hand upon God. It does no good. The only thing that truly matters in life is finding peace and happiness, joy and bliss. And by surrendering the fruit of my actions to God, I creep ever closer to embodying this life, and the true nature of my spirit.
Who or what you surrender the fruit of your actions to, matters not. You can surrender it to Amma, Jesus, Baba, the Buddha, your spirit, the universal consciousness, the great white spirit, to the earth, to a tree or a rock. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you feel you are surrendering it to love, to the place where all truth is present, where you feel at home and safe, where you feel that everything which cannot be understood is understood.
The many shapes and forms of God are infinite. But truly, God is more of an experience, a feeling of peace and love than anything else. It is that space of peace and bliss that we give ourselves to when experiencing a state of surrender. It is always there, and always ready to receive everything that we are. If you have not found this place yet, keep searching, and it will find you.
That morning I went in for my final healing before Francis got on a flight and went back to California. As the hours passed the feeling of surrender was not as potent, but I did the best I could. When the final surge of energy went through Francis’s hands, once again it felt like the divine timing had arrived. My body was about to come to life. But as I sat, fully ready to experience the moment, it drifted away, remaining a distant light, a dream yet to come.
I could not help but feel the initial disappointment, but I knew that wallowing in pity and dissatisfaction simply would not do. The more quickly I surrendered, the faster I could move forward on my path, and grow, evolve, and heal.
As of this writing, I am feeling a tremendous amount of increased sensation and strength. Both my hands and feet are burning as a strong buzzing sensation has spread throughout my entire body. The muscles along my spine and into my core feel as if they are tightening and engaging. Areas of my body that once felt absent of energy, no longer feel that way, such as in my right hand and scapula. Brick by brick, layer by layer, a strong foundation is being built, one that will eventually support the resurrection of this body.
I realize I have been talking for many years about the most powerful healings I’ve ever had and my inevitable recovery. But the fact that I keep saying these things doesn’t make them any less true. I am on a path which my heart demands. It is a path of healing, a path that will illuminate my purpose, and fulfill my destiny.